Society doesn't have a box for Alex - but the psychologist does

Many late adopters struggle with serious problems and abuse after their traumatic start in life.

Society does not have a box for Alex Balógh. She is diagnosed with ADHD, emotionally unstable personality disorder and has self-harming behaviour. 

She is homeless, addicted to benzodiazepines, opioids and other prescription drugs. 

But she fits well into one box. A box that can explain why Alex has been fighting with herself for 26 years.

She was adopted from Hungary at the age of four. To a loving family in Lime on Djursland, but in Alex's 26 years in Denmark things have gone from bad to worse, and the damage already happened in her first four years, before she came to Djursland, the psychologist believes.

- Alex has all the classic symptoms of early neglect, says psychologist Niels Peter Rygaard.

For 40 years he has worked as a child psychologist exclusively with foster and adopted children.

Niels Peter Rygaard has, among other things, worked as an adoption consultant at the National Board of Social Affairs and Health.

In Hungary, Alex came to an orphanage as an infant, was adopted, but returned to the orphanage. Thus, at a very young age, she was exposed to neglect and many changes, and this is what has affected her throughout her life.
 

- She has been exposed to something that greatly damages children's development; namely a lot of adult changes. This means that some functions will not be developed on time, says Niels Peter Rygaard.
 

Therefore, she fits into the psychologists' box with all the symptoms and trauma that a late adoption and massive neglect in the first years of life can cause.

The psychologist says that the Eastern European orphanages used to leave children in bed when they cried, and that lack of care damages the brain's early development. 
 

- This means that some very basic things such as keeping frustrations inside do not succeed. It is very difficult for her to be with other people, and suddenly it clicks, which she herself describes so well, says the child psychologist.

If you have experienced severe early trauma, you become addicted to almost anything much more quickly

Niels Peter Rygaard, child psychologist

Late adoption means that the adoption takes place when the child is over two years old. It is in the first two years of a child's life that the early attachment takes place, and the one that was missed in Alex, explains the psychologist.

- Alex suffers from an early version of PTSD.

In the past, the Danish adoption agencies - according to Niels Peter Rygaard - were very uncritical of who was adopted, and the information on the child was not always true.

Think they can fix it themselves

The adoptive parents didn't know about the children's problems either, and they tried to manage it themselves.

- The adoptive parents are typically middle class and not used to using the social systems. They often think that it is they themselves who cannot figure out how to bring up the child, because it is their first, says Niels Peter Rygaard.

About the case

Alex Balógh has contacted TV2 Østjylland herself with a view to having her case looked at. Her life and progress with various authorities have been collected from Syddjurs Municipality, Aarhus Municipality, the police and Central Jutland Region.

The same pattern is seen in daycare and school, and therefore the children are typically only referred for treatment at the age of 11-12, when they 'explode', explains the child psychologist. It may be in crime, that they smash everything around them, or that they run away from home.

Alex also did the latter, and it became clear that she needed help.

But help failed. 

She has lived in 16 different places, but most recently she set fire to her room, and the forensic psychiatric ward became her home for a while until she was released to the streets.

According to Niels Peter Rygaard, the aid is too divided into sectors, and one problem is dealt with at a time. 

When she was about 11 years old, she moved away from home and has since lived in institutions and residential facilities, interrupted by short stays with her parents in Lime. She also has several unsuccessful attempts to live in her own apartment behind her.

Today, 30-year-old Alex is homeless, addicted to massive amounts of medication, has a wide range of diagnoses, and she fears for her own life and for harming others.

- The pain is very deep in her, and she tries to soothe it. She tries to get out of the terrible feeling of loss by using a substance that evokes the feeling of being loved, says Niels Peter Nygaard.

- If you have experienced severe early trauma, you become dependent on almost anything much faster, says the psychologist. 

"I love to hate you and I hate to love you"

He believes that it is failing to find a place for her to live because there is a lack of professional knowledge in the places of residence, which are not used to people with her problem. 

Alex has developed an anxious attachment to adults before she was four years old. Therefore, she both needs to seek closeness, but when she gets it, the anxiety comes up. 

When the need for closeness arises, anxiety follows

Niels Peter Rygaard, child psychologist

She continues to go home to her parents for short periods before she is affected by anxiety, explains Niels Peter Nygaard.

- The problem is that when the need for closeness arises, anxiety follows. The language of choice will be, "I love to hate you and I hate to love you", he says.

Already the then Århus County described the early neglect and the cognitive and emotional difficulties in its notes on the child Alex.

Multidisciplinary team can help

- If there is to be hope for help, interdisciplinary teams must be formed that can follow people like Alex, says the psychologist. 
 

He believes that one of the worst things they can be exposed to is many shifts.

One of Alex's problems is that it takes her a long time to get used to new people

Niels Peter Rygaard, child psychologist

- There are too many boxes and there are too many shifts. What is simply missing is an interdisciplinary team that gets to know Alex, that can help her over time, because it takes many years to get out of it and requires a lot of cooperation.

- You have many changes of case handlers and perhaps changes of municipality, so there are always new people who have to get used to it. One of Alex's problems is that it takes her a long time to get used to new people, says Niels Peter Rygaard.

Precisely because many changes can cause the house of cards to topple for vulnerable people like Alex, there is a lack of continuity in contact with others. 

Alex's early strain on the brain makes everything very stressful and you only live in the moment and react only in the moment, so even though she is also reasonable at times, her emotions run away from her when she is under pressure. 
 

According to the psychologist, it is therefore completely natural that Alex is the way she is. She fits into his boxes with the symptoms and traumas of late adoptees. She just needs to be able to understand that herself. 

- I think it can help her if she herself gets an understanding that all her symptoms stem from this early upbringing. Her sense of homelessness, sense of rejection, rage at others, her drug addiction. These are natural reactions to the neglect she experienced before she was adopted, concludes the psychologist.