ELINE AND HER HUSBAND ADOPTED THREE SISTERS FROM HUNGARY: 'WE ALWAYS DREAMED OF A BIG FAMILY'

Eline van der Woude (33) and her husband Sander adopted three sisters from Hungary in one fell swoop. The girls have now been in the Netherlands for 1.5 years. A difficult, time-consuming, but above all valuable process. “Many people ask us if they will stay with us forever.”

Eline shares their story on Instagram and TikTok (@eline.vanderwoude). “It became clear to me that there is still so much unknown about the adoption process ,” she tells LINDA.

MISCARRIAGE

Eline and Sander already have a son together, named Noah (now 10 years old), when the desire for more children arises. “Again I quickly became pregnant. But unfortunately things went wrong after fifteen weeks. Our hearts broke because it was a girl. I always dreamed of one day having a special mother-daughter bond and one day being able to pass on my life lessons as a woman to a daughter. We had never been so sad.” Eline then becomes pregnant twice more, but these pregnancies also end in miscarriage.

During the last pregnancy, Eline had to take pills to induce the miscarriage. While they wait, Eline and her husband watch a documentary about an American couple who adopt three children at the same time. “My heart jumped. I thought: this is it. Then, as I put Noah to bed, I realized that there are millions of children around the world who fall asleep alone, with no one to tell them how loved they are. Every child deserves that,” says Eline. Her husband also thinks adoption would suit them perfectly.

THREE SISTERS

They will start the adoption process in 2016. It ultimately takes 5.5 years before a match is made and their greatest wish comes true: adopting several children from one family. “It was only after an endless series of training sessions, nerve-wracking inspections and mountains of administrative hassle, and above all a very long wait, that we finally received the long-awaited adoption proposal in the summer of 2021. Our wish, for both Noah and for us, came true: he would become a big brother to not one, not two, but three sisters – aged 7, 4 and 2.”

Still, they have to wait another six weeks before everything is really finalized. During those weeks, several more inspections take place and the Central Authority checks again whether the adoption is really legal and clean. And whether there really was no chance for these girls to grow up in their own family, environment or country. “Unfortunately, that opportunity was not there, but they were more than welcome in our family. But once we got the phone call that everything was complete, we forgot all the suffering from before. We were really on a pink cloud from then on.” They quickly prepare the house for the arrival of the three girls. “Then we left for Hungary, where we would meet our daughters for the first time. It was a moment I will never forget!”

TRAUMAS

Eline, Sander and their son Noah ultimately stay in Hungary for seven weeks to get to know their daughters and sisters, before the adoption is officially completed and they return to the Netherlands. Once home, the new parents discover that the girls have a lot to process. “Unfortunately, their biological parents were unable to care for them. It would have been best if they could have done that themselves. But they can't.”

All three girls experienced things in Hungary that no child should experience, such as early neglect and corporal punishment, says Eline. The girls in the Netherlands first have to get used to their new parents, go through a deep grieving process and suffer from separation anxiety. “Especially the youngest (then 2.5 years old) clung to me like a monkey.”

SELF CONFIDENCE

The girls are doing much better now. They have all found their place and are no longer afraid that they will have to leave. “You see the children growing every day; in their language development, their self-confidence, attachment and processing their past.”

And Noah is also doing very well. He gained three sisters at once. “But he has always had a very social character,” says Eline. “As an only child, he was not very happy and often felt lonely. Now he is so very happy that he has someone to play with. He is very loving towards them. But of course there are sometimes clashes between the children and then I can mediate. In that respect we are a very normal family again.”

NOT THE EASIEST WAY

Yet the adoption also had an impact on Eline and the family. “Adoption is not the easiest path. I admit that honestly. It's hard work. And it's quite a change to go from one to four children overnight. Our children have an invisible backpack of emotional baggage that requires healing and special insight. That asks a lot of me. The first year I got tired more quickly, overstimulated and often had headaches.”

Eline therefore also tries to take time for herself. “I do everything I can to give the best of myself to the children, but also to myself. I have learned that it is important to be emotionally healthy yourself. That's why I work on giving myself balance and peace, so that I can persevere. I eat healthier, read more and exercise more. And I put a lot of time into the relationship with Sander to ensure that it is extremely strong.”

TOGETHER FOREVER

The parents receive many questions about the adoption process and the children. That's why Eline shares her story on Instagram and TikTok. “It became clear to me that adoption, attachment and trauma are topics that intrigue people, but about which little is known. That's why I decided to record videos and share our process. My daughters are also happy that their story can be told. When asked a complicated question, they sometimes say, "You have to watch my mom's TikToks." She explains it well there'”. Her videos are now used by professionals in work meetings and at schools.

And when asked whether the girls will stay with them forever, Eline answers yes. “I get that question regularly. Yes, they stay with us forever. Legally, they are completely our children, just like Noah is. They also bear our last name. We just don't share a blood bond with each other. One day I hope that our girls can become mothers themselves. It would be nice if their children could stay with them forever. That would complete the circle for me. I would really love that.”