As an Indian adoptee, I found my birth mother which is kind of a miracle , yet I am upset with life
As an Indian adoptee, I found my birth mother which is kind of a miracle , yet I am upset with life
I (20f) was adopted from India when I was a toddler by my adoptive parents who are Indian as well. We moved to the states after a few years. My adoptive parents have been quite open with me about my adoption. Generally, we Indian adoptees can never find our origins as all adoptions are closed and there is a lot of stigma. A couple of months back, I took a DNA test on 23&me and matched with my cousin. I was so happy at this as it was totally unexpected. She too lives in US. I texted her immediately. My cousin texted back but she didn’t know about me. She was very sweet to me and told me that her mother has only one sister who could be my mother and said she will find out.
It seems my existence caused a sort of a frenzy in the family. My cousin asked her mother about me. My aunt informed my mother and they told my cousin not to talk to me. My mother’s husband doesn’t know about me. No one in my family wants me to associate with them. My cousin got back to me and said I was the product of an affair, my father had left my mother then and she found out about the pregnancy a little too late. Since my mother was unmarried , she gave me away to an orphanage. My cousin told me she can’t talk to me anymore as she wants to respect my mother’s wishes. I said that it’s understandable but I begged for my mother’s name and basic details, promising that I will never contact her. My cousin reluctantly gave it to me and then we never spoke.
On one hand, I feel I am quite fortunate compared to other Indian adoptees as the chance of finding a relative via DNA websites is quite low as majority of Indians don’t use it. I at least have a name. On the other, I feel upset about being the dirty family secret. I had imagined so many scenarios of my mother being dirt poor or very young and forced to give me up. In reality, my mother is from an upper middle class family with a good job. If I had been born just a few years after her marriage, I wouldn’t have been relinquished. Social stigma proved to be more important than motherhood.