Father takes adopted son to see boy's homeland
Father takes adopted son to see boy's homeland
Karl Stroud and his son, Aaron, in Vietnam.
By Amy Bertrand
POST-DISPATCH LIFESTYLE EDITOR
04/17/2010
Nearly a decade ago, Karl Stroud knew he wanted something more out of life. A single man, living alone, he knew he didn't want to be alone forever. "I knew I really wanted to be a parent," he says. "I knew I didn't want to be 80 years old and look back on my life and feel like I missed out." So, he took action. He looked into domestic adoption but found no options for a single man. A friend told him he might have a shot at international adoption. A short time later, he walked into an orphanage in Vietnam and met a 19-month-old boy, whom he adopted and named Aaron.
On Christmas Day 2009, Karl and Aaron, through a program called The Ties Program — Adoptive Family Homeland Journeys, returned to that same orphanage. There, Karl snapped a photo of the 10-year-old boy in the same exact spot he found him more than eight years earlier.
Why did you decide to take Aaron back to Vietnam?
I thought it was important for Vietnam to be a "real" place for him, not just something in my pictures, books, the Internet. It's important that he understand this part of his history and how it relates to who he is before he becomes a teenager and goes through the universal struggle at that age to figure out his place in the world. I also thought it was important for him to see the realities of life in Vietnam, which will hopefully give him more context around his mother's decision to choose adoption for him. I think it's very hard for people living in the U.S. to understand how realities of daily life in many parts of the world could lead you to a decision like this.
What was it like meeting Aaron's birth mother?
For Aaron I think it was an exciting time. He had clearly thought of her many times over the years and wondered who she was, what she was like. Now she is no longer a fantasy but a flesh-and-blood person. When I ask what surprised him about his mother, he says it's the fact that she was more talkative. I told him that back in 2001 she was very quiet. He got to see her in her home, with her family and friends around, and she was much more interactive. It's funny what things children focus on.
For me, it was a relief to see that she seemed reasonably healthy and happy. I met her in 2001 but have had no word of her since. As the mother of my son and the person who made my dream of being a parent come true, she is never far from my thoughts. I really wanted to know that she was OK. There are no words to express my gratitude to her, and I felt very inadequate in that regard from our interactions in 2001. I think now she has seen how much her son is loved and that he is safe, healthy and flourishing.
What were Aaron's reactions?
He took everything in a very matter-of-fact way. He is not a very emotive child, and this meeting was no different. Normally he doesn't like to be the center of attention with strangers, but he accepted that role very well in this situation. I think it helped that we had discussed how the meeting might go, and the fact that many people would probably turn out to see him. I really don't know the full impact this meeting or trip had on him. I'll have to pay close attention to the little things he says and does over the ensuing months and years to get a clear picture. Do I wish he would give me some big emotional speech about what it all meant to him? Yes, I do, but that is not how most 10-year-olds function, and that certainly isn't his way.
What else have you done so that Aaron can understand his Vietnamese heritage?
We have gone to various holiday celebrations with other children adopted from Vietnam, as well as attending a culture camp. When he was younger I always made a point of having books about Vietnam in the house that I would read to him or show him pictures from. We would also look through the pictures and video taken during the adoption trip. I would talk about the places and my impressions of them, as well as how they fit into Vietnamese culture (as I understood it). I have to admit that my efforts in this area are somewhat lacking.
What did you take back with you from the trip?
From a physical standpoint, the most important things we brought back were two wind chimes made from painted sea shells that his mother gave him. We saw her twice, and on the first visit she asked his favorite color — which he said was blue. On the second meeting she gave him the wind chimes, and one of them had shells that were painted blue. They were simple gifts, but I can't see anything being more significant from the trip. On the mental side, the memories of Aaron's mother are invaluable — for both of us. I loved seeing more of the country and learning more about its history and customs. Some of those things are lost on a 10-year-old but will hopefully have meaning as he grows older. I think the trip was a real bonding experience for the two of us as well. We went on this great adventure to discover and explore more of his past and a culture that is a part of him (which I now share), and I think it meant a lot to him. He understands what a big deal it was to go on this trip, and he appreciates that we had the opportunity.