You can't take a dog out of a shelter the way this little girl was taken

Source: index.hu

Publication date: 23 September 2019

gyamugy

Sándor Joób

ALEXANDER JOÓB

09/23/2019. 07:14

NEWER (1)

It is a good sign if the child is crying when they are separated from the one they loved

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Adoption is about giving a better life to children who have been abandoned by their parents. But what if the adoption is carried out in such a way as to sever a child out of his usual environment? A child who once had to endure the loss of his blood-born mother. Will a child's mental wounds heal afterwards, and what effect will his later life have on having to cry before he begins his second new life?

This happened to the one and a half year old girl we will call Zsuzsi in this article, but this is not her real name. We tried to get the details of the procedure that raised serious legal issues from the authorities as well, but the same was answered by the Pest County Child Protection Center and the Regional Child Protection Service and the Pest County Government Office: cannot communicate.

She calls her mother

While respecting the law and the protection of privacy, we do not name the exact location and the names of those involved in this story. To tell the story, choose the most common female and male first names. Laszlo and Mary are a Roma couple. They live in an orderly settlement in a village in northern Hungary. They have adult children, Laszlo works at a school and is an official foster parent. Years ago, they were taken care of by three Roma brothers. They all go to school, the biggest boy is an exceptionally good student.

Last year László and Mary had another child as a foster parent. That's when Zsuzsi came to them, who was then only a month and a half. As Zsuzsi is the second cousin of three children raised at the Lászlós, the guardianship authority also considered that the Roma girl would be well placed next to her relatives.

More than a year has passed. Zsuzsi, who is now one and a half years old, was cared for, nurtured, fed and diapered. Zsuzsi became accustomed to her new home, and was much loved by her foster parents and her three older children. There was a strong bond between them. Zsuzsi calls Mary a mother.

They'll give it to someone forever

The foster parents were expecting the baby girl to be adopted by the guardianship sooner or later and to be separated from her. Therefore, Mary and László would have adopted the girl herself. However, this was not possible: on the one hand, because foster parents are not used to adopting children, and on the other, Mary and Laszlo are both nearly fifty years old, and parents of such age are not allowed by law (the adoptive parent up to 45 years older).

Mary and Laszlo then applied for adoption for their adult daughter, who also has a decent job at a nearby city office. Their daughter was happy to accept this, as she was also attached to the little girl. He also completed the course for adoptive parents, which cost tens of thousands of forints, but the authorities did not endorse him as the adoptive parent.

Mary and Laszlo then received a notice in early September announcing that Zsuzsi would be adopted, so a child protection guardian, an adoption counselor, and prospective adoptive parents would visit them at 9 a.m. on September 9.

"I must adopt immediately upon the direction of the director"

The foster parents knew that the adoptive parents would only meet Zsuzsi. This is still the case. The process usually takes weeks, months to build up before the adoptive parents finally take the child. But for some reason, this has not really happened. Even the experienced child protection professionals were shocked by the events.

On September 9, the adoptive parents, legal guardian (who is also the guardian of the other three children) and an adoption counselor arrived at László's. Mary's showed them where the little girl lives. Zsuzsi was proud to show her guests her toys and animals in the garden.

The child protection guard who regularly visited the family was nervous enough. Meanwhile, the Adoption Advisor said:

I had to adopt this kid at the director's command immediately, quickly, quickly.

When the oldest boy asked why they wanted to take Zsuzsi away from them, the guardian replied, "You have nothing to do with this."

After a while, the guardian suggested that they go to a playground and continue their acquaintance there. As there was no playground on site, they had to drive to a neighboring village by car. The guests asked Zsuzsi to let them in the car, so they asked for Mary's child seat and put them in their car. When Mary wanted to get in the car with her, she was told not to sit in this car, but to follow them with another car.

THE KID STARTED CRYING. MARY SAID, "BUT THE CHILD IS CRYING." "LET ME CRY!" THE GUARDIAN REPLIED.

When it came to the neighboring town, it started to rain, so the company headed to the local community center to get to know the little girl there. When they arrived at the art house, the guardian carrying Mary for some reason did not stop the car, making a few more laps before the adoption counselor and adoptive parents got out of their car and could enter the building with the little girl.

She yelled at Mom, Mom!

When they parked, the guardian told Mary not to get out of the car and enter the art hall, so that the adoptive parents would take care of the little girl inside. Meanwhile, at noon, Mary became increasingly impatient. She didn't know what was happening to the little girl inside, how Zsuzsi was wearing that she was surrounded by strangers. The guardian told them to go home because she would have to give her some food, put on a diaper, and put her down for an afternoon sleep.

The guardian suggested to Mary that she would take her home by car, and the others would be there to fight with Zsuzsi. But Mary refused to go home without her child. He was only interested in what happened to Zsuzsi inside, how much he was crying, how he was dating. Finally, Mary just opened the door to her and immediately heard her cry. When Zsuzsi saw Mary, she shouted at her, "Mom, Mom." She came over to her, hugged her, trying to reassure her.

They left the community center, but then another unexpected turn occurred. The guardian said that now the child will be taken to the app. to a city one-hour drive to “fill in the papers”. Mary did not understand what papers were involved, after all, her husband was the official foster parent. He didn't want to go to any city, he just wanted to go home with Zsuzsi.

They got back in the car and took it away

Then, in uncertain circumstances, the adoptive parents, the guardian and the adoption counselor, put Zsuzsi back in their car in the child seat requested by Mary and drove away with the little girl. The guardian again recommended that Mary take her home, but she refused to sit back with him in the car.

The child was taken with a piece of pacifier and a baby bottle. László and Mary still don't know where they are. It all happened so suddenly that they could not tell the adoptive parents about their habits or schedules, nor could they give them the medicine she needed to deal with the exact problems that such traumatic experiences might cause her. The least is that the guests also carried Mary's child seat, which they have not returned since then. The strange happenings were witnessed by others. One of our sources said:

You can't take a dog out of a shelter the way this little girl was taken.

László, the official foster parent, received an email that afternoon. It was informed that the competent guardianship office had decided three days earlier (September 6) that Zsuzsi would be surrendered immediately to the adoptive parents by secret adoption.

Kidnapping?

Laszlo and Mary are completely done. The other three children were also affected by the events: the smaller girl was tearing her hair up at school, the big boy became aggressive, and her friend told her with tears that they had taken away Zsuzsi. They have been living in this atmosphere for more than a week.

We reconstructed what happened by telling more people, and talking to people who were not as emotionally affected as family members. After receiving no response from the authorities, however much we wish, we cannot illuminate the other side of the story. According to the stories, the guardian, the adoptive parents and the counselor with them may have feared Laszloe's anger and could feel threatened, so they could try to arrange adoption at such a rapid pace. The emotional excitement of Lászlóék's family is understandable, but what has happened does not imply that the guests arriving for the little girl should have been afraid of anything, one of our sources said.

The family filed a case for kidnapping. Others want to be more prudent in reporting misconduct, falsification of documents, changing their place of care or endangering a minor. We also have information that an internal investigation has been launched into the matter.

What is the interest of the child?

In each of these cases, it is worth looking first at what is in the best interests of the child, said Viola Szlankó, a psychologist at SOS Children's Villages, who told the Index about the case, who was also surprised to see Zsuzsi's adoption.

Early attachment plays a very important role in one's later life. For a child, it is quite a traumatic experience to be separated from his blood-mother, when he is separated from his caregiver and his usual environment under these circumstances, it happens for a second time, the expert said.

It is no coincidence that during the adoption, the period of friendship and dating usually lasts at least one month. Initially, it is very important for a child to have a carer he or she trusts. Thus, there is a chance that you can establish a relationship of trust with the adoptive parent. It is equally important for foster parents and adoptive parents to get to know each other and to share information about raising a child.

What happens if a child is so suddenly divorced from someone he or she has already begun to cling to? According to Viola Szlankó, it is not certain that the consequences will be immediate. Occasionally, at first, the child does not see anything, tries to adapt to his new environment, and then suddenly becomes pissed, aggressive, and basically distrustful of the outside world.

SUCH A RE-TRAUMA CAN GRADUALLY HAVE A PROFOUND EFFECT ON YOUR OVERALL MENTAL STATE, AS WELL AS ON THE BEHAVIORAL, EMOTIONAL AND SOCIAL ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE. THIS IS NOT GOOD FOR ADOPTIVE PARENTS EITHER.

The specialist said he had only seen a similar case in his career so far when a foster parent received a decision to hand over the child he or she had cared for since birth to the blood parent. Although there is no protocol for these cases (home care), Viola Szlankó says that it is not appropriate to deal with cases as quickly as the child may be injured there as well. In Hungary, there is really no support for a foster parent adopting a child. An ombudsman report last year also indicates that qualified foster parents perform a public task and that adopting children would leave them with less energy to work and help other children.

(Cover and cover art illustration: Máté Fillér / Index)

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Countries: Hungary