Adopted, afraid to say she was a lesbian and a great relationship: Elly, 61, wrote a book about her life

ARNHEM - The struggle when you hear that you have been adopted at the age of 15. The fear of telling your parents you like women. A fantastic relationship that has lasted for 36 years. Cycling 12,000 kilometers through Asia together. Arnhem Elly Petri (61) did not want her life story to be lost and wrote it down in 'Losse eindjes'

"Sit down, we have to tell you something." Just so, in that businesslike way, Elly Petri was told by her parents at 15 that she had been adopted. “And after that moment the subject was always taboo. We were never allowed to talk about it at home again. ''

Why did your parents choose that moment to tell it?

“They had to. My sister turned 21 and had to officially take the name Petri in court. That was arranged at the time. They then told both my sister and me that we had been adopted. Not from the same biological parents. ''

How did you deal with that?

“I felt very cheated. After we got that message, I locked myself in my room. And I wanted to find my biological parents. Six years later I found my biological mother, after my father took all the adoption papers from a drawer and gave them to me. After that, he didn't want to hear about it anymore. My parents were against me finding and meeting my biological parents. My sister coped with it much easier than I did. After the announcement from my parents, he said 'okay' and went out. ''

My biological mother lived with her parents and was abused by grandfather, who was also there in the house

What was it like to find your biological mother?

“That was quite disappointing. You are going to dream, it must be a princess and a great mother. I met a Rotterdam working class woman. A sweet person, but she also claimed me immediately. While I wanted to get acquainted. Scan. I didn't speak to me for years after that and saw her a few times later. It turned out I also have a half-sister, Paulien. She has a different father. I have good contact with her. ''

Did you receive an answer to the why question?

“Yes, my biological mother lived with her parents and was abused by grandfather, who was also there in the house. There was more to play and as a teenager she went to the Rekkense youth institution. There she escaped twice. A baby emerged from both times. ''

Is writing the autobiography Losse eindjes a settlement with the adoption struggle?

“Partly, but I don't think I could have written it if I hadn't already given the adoption story a place. When my mother died at the age of 77, in 1999, I threw everything at her coffin. I had never done that before. And in processing and searching for who I am, where I belong, I received a lot of help from my wife Marijke. She has been my angel of salvation. ''

By that year cycling through Asia we had become so used to freedom that we could no longer settle down at work

Did you like women lead to an uncomfortable situation in your parents' house?

“Yes, I was afraid to tell at first. I decided to do that only when I had a lasting relationship. My mother then hushed it up. My father said he still had so many questions about it. But they never came. When I came home with Marijke, she was easily accepted. My parents considered her a third daughter. ''

After 20 years in healthcare and 20 years in education, were you ready for a year off in 2017-2018 together with Marijke?

“Yes, the best year of my life. We cycled to Singapore from China. Almost 12,000 kilometers. We had taken a year of unpaid leave. It was a journey with so many impressions, so many wonderful encounters. There is also a lot about that in Losse eindjes.

And just back to work after a year?

“That didn't work out so well. By that year cycling through Asia we had become so used to freedom that we could no longer settle down at work. We started calculating and both decided to take early retirement. After that cycling trip, we both worked for another year. ''

PASSPORT | Elly Petri

Born on November 29, 1958 in Warnsveld. At the age of 15, she was told by her parents who had moved to Alkmaar from Arnhem that she had been adopted. The family moved to Zeist, where Petri left home at the age of 17 to follow an internal nursing course at the Juliana Hospital in Veenendaal.

She got a job elsewhere in health care, but later she did the teacher training Pabo and went into education. Petri has been in a relationship with Marijke Theunissen since 1984, they married in 2009. Two years ago they took early retirement together. They live in Arnhem, but are about to move to Dieren.