Adopted Chamila Seppenwoolde: 'Every international adoption causes irreparable damage'

Adopted child According to Chamila Seppenwoolde, who was adopted from Sri Lanka, something is lost forever with every international adoption. "You can't go back to how it should have been."

It would have been close if Chamila Seppenwoolde (34) had ended up in another family. Her adoptive parents had ticked a girl on the form, but had been assigned a boy. In the van on the way to the lawyer in Colombo, it was other adoptive parents who convinced them not to agree. "They said, you have ordered a girl, so you must have a girl too."

Sri Lanka was a popular adoption country in the second half of the 1980s, as many newborn babies were offered here. Often this was not done voluntarily. Chamila's mother thought she would give up her daughter temporarily, until she could be financially independent again. "Only when she saw in court that I was being picked up by two white people did she realize she had lost me."

The Sinhalese baby that was handed to the couple Seppenwoolde was called Dilrukshi Chamila, but the Seppenwooldes did not like the first name and was deleted. Her passport therefore states Chamila Chandrani - the middle name is that of her Sinhalese mother. A loss, says Chamila. "My real names are all my mother gave me."

In the Seppenwoolde family not much was said about Chamila's origins. It wasn't until she was in high school that she was shown a picture of her mother. "I was always told: your mother could not take care of you and gave you up out of love."

Awkward reunion

When she went to look for her mother in Sri Lanka at the age of 25, the reality turned out to be different. “My eyes were like rivers,” her mother wrote in one of her letters to Chamila. The eloquence struck her. "I can also put things into words well."

However, the 2013 reunification in Colombo was an uncomfortable one. Her mother was sobbing in her arms, but Chamila herself wasn't sure what she was feeling. Mother and daughter cannot understand each other and Chamila knew nothing about the customs and customs of her Sinhalese family. She now feels more at home every time. “When I get off the plane there, my hair starts to shine, my skin starts to shine. I am completely relaxed. ”

In recent years, Chamila, as chairman of the United Adoptees International interest group, has studied the problems of adoptees. It made her realize that with every international adoption, something is lost forever. “Even if you meet your family again, the damage that has been done is irreparable. You can't go back to how it should have been. ”

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