Adoption by gay couples: what about that? - New Li ..

For more than a decade, Dutch gay couples have been able to adopt children from abroad. Before that, it was only possible through a so-called one-parent procedure. Nevertheless, adoption by gay couples is complex. How did that happen?

Limited possibilities

Foreign adoption by gay couples is legal in only three countries: South Africa, Portugal and the United States. Many countries only allow adoption to heterosexual couples from a religious or cultural perspective. In the United States, biological parents have the option of choosing the adoptive parents themselves; the so-called open adoption : "The mother of our son has made an adoption plan herself with the social workers in America. She has determined who the parents of her child can be and fortunately we maintain a lot of contact with each other. We saw each other last year Hopefully our son will look back on encounters like these later with a good feeling. "

Arnoud and his friend adopted their son from the United States five years ago. The adoption process took more than five years. He and his partner had to arrange a lot to meet all the conditions. "It was a long process, but with the help of our permit holder A New Way, it worked."

Arnoud thinks it is unjustified that so few countries today put children up for adoption to homosexual couples. Although he is happy that the legislation in the Netherlands does offer gay couples the opportunity to adopt, he does not agree with the legislation of many other countries. Arnoud: "The attitude of many countries that exclude homosexuals is indeed discriminatory."

What options are there for gay couples?

The adoption process is a complex and arduous process, for both heterosexual and gay couples. The process often takes years and the countries of origin have different conditions. Due to the supply of foster care in the Netherlands, domestic adoption is hardly an alternative. Every year, according to the magazine Ouders Van Nu, only about 26 children are put up for adoption in the Netherlands. Most of these children will go to parents within their own network.

Since 2019, gay couples can also opt for surrogacy. Two clinics in the Netherlands are guiding the process of enabling homosexual couples to have children through a surrogate mother. In this way, the desire to have a biological child of their own is made possible. Arnoud: “I personally did not feel the need for a genetic child of my own. In any case, adoption takes place within a complicated situation. A mother really does not just give up her child. With adoption you try to make that situation less complicated. My choice for adoption may also be related to my faith: the idea that all life is born of God. I don't necessarily have to create new life. I think it is just as valuable to be the father of a child that already existed.

Stigma surrounding negative stories

The Meer dan Gewenst Foundation supports couples from the LGBT community who have a strong desire to have children. She organizes meetings between different intended parents, who come together to support each other and exchange experiences with each other. They also involve the adopted children themselves, who can find mutual recognition. Children can sometimes experience loneliness or misunderstanding. For example, a child who has two fathers or two mothers can be seen as the 'unique' child in the classroom.

According to Luc Nibbeling, chairman of the Meer Dan Gewenst Foundation, it is important to pass on the stigma surrounding the negative stories about adoption. “In addition to the negative voices surrounding adoption, we find it important to inform the Netherlands about families and adopted children, who are very happy with adoption. Whether it concerns two fathers, two mothers, or a mother and a father ”.

Supported

Despite the weight of the process, Arnoud looks back on his choice with gratitude. Arnoud: "I enjoy our nice, sweet, tough and funny son every day."

He feels supported by his environment. “I am a believer myself and come from a religious family, but I have moved towards an environment where I can be myself. I am not deeply in a Christian world where I have received negative reactions. My father, who used to speak regularly in various churches, has also supported us in the choice for adoption from the beginning. "

The discussion around adoption - and therefore also for gay couples who want to adopt - continues to exist. Arnoud: "Adopted children should never be the victim of this discussion. It is the responsibility of the media not to throw a blemish on adoption. You do not want children in families where everything has gone well because of these kinds of reports. of 'is this all right'?

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