Gratitude and despair after foreign adoptions stop: 'My adoptive parents saved my life'
VIDEOBREDA - She has been adopted, Rupika Kop from Breda. Thirty years ago she came to our country from Sri Lanka as a baby. She is incredibly happy with that, she says. Because her parents here saved her life.
Adopting children from abroad? That is no longer allowed. The cabinet's ban comes after a damning report by the Joustra Committee that investigated abuses surrounding foreign adoptions (see box).
And yes, they are terrible, those adoption excesses , Rupika Kop does not deny that. “But by now suspending those adoptions, the cabinet is affecting precisely the children who need help. This measure is far too drastic. For some of those children it is a matter of life or death. I don't hear anyone about that. ''
The Breda resident should know. If she hadn't been adopted thirty years ago, she wouldn't have lived now. Because, she says, her Dutch parents - whom she sees as her only real parents - saved her life. “My neck was completely crooked as a result of a bad pregnancy. After my adoption, I received physiotherapy at home for two years. If that hadn't happened, I wouldn't have survived. Healthcare in Sri Lanka is not as good as that in the Netherlands. The doctor involved in my adoption sent another letter to my parents a few years later. He wrote that they saved my life. ”
Adoption papers
Kop never went looking for her biological father and mother. “While my parents were very open to that. They always had a folder in the living room containing my Sri Lankan passport and the adoption papers. 'If you want to know something, you can always ask. We don't know what it's like to be adopted or if you want to talk about it, ”they said. I have never been curious about that. ”
I am still grateful to my parents for my adoption every day
Rupika Kop
Her life feels like a gift every day. "I have grown into a successful businesswoman and teacher, thanks to this opportunity." With Breda as home. "I am a real Brabander."
Recently, Kop has been asked more than once whether she is not afraid of being a victim of child theft, for example. “Because of the openness of my parents, I don't worry about that at all. And what if it were so? Then I am glad that I ended up here. Otherwise I would never have had such a wonderful life, I would not have got up healthy every day in my own home, with my own car in front of the door. I wouldn't have a future. I am still grateful to my parents for the adoption every day. ”
Abuses
She advocates tackling the problem at its roots and not allowing a large group of children to suffer. "Go to the cause and help the countries with which we have adoption regulations to prevent this kind of excess." Kop points out that thousands of children have been adopted in recent decades. "Those abuses concern a very small percentage of them."
De Breda was supported by Co Poulus. In 1989, the 65-year-old Rijenaar was one of the founders of the Meiling Foundation, one of the four organizations with a license to mediate in intercountry adoptions, as these adoptions are called. "I wanted to adopt children myself, but in a decent way."
Karen and Dennis would like to adopt a child. but now everything comes to a standstill after national abuses surrounding adoption procedures and they are in uncertainty.
Karen and Dennis would like to adopt a child. but now everything comes to a standstill after national abuses surrounding adoption procedures and they are in uncertainty. © Pix4Profs-Ron Magielse
Poulus now has five grown children, four of whom have been adopted from Asia. However, his foundation got negative in the news around 2007, due to possible abuses in adoptions from India. "We then withdrew from that country."
According to a report by the Youth Care Inspectorate from that time, Meiling was not formally to blame. However, the professionalism of the volunteer-driven adoption organization was questioned. “We had at least a thousand children from Taiwan and I would put my hand in the fire for each of them. Some have visited their biological parents. Only hosanna stories emerged from that. ”
Without adoption I would never have had such a wonderful life, I would not have gotten up healthy every day in my own home, with my own car at the door. I wouldn't have a future
Rupika Kop
Poulus was chairman of the foundation for 25 years. “We were looking for parents for children, not children for parents. This measure affects those children. Foreign adoption is the last resort, otherwise they have no future. ”
He points out that the research concerns countries where the Netherlands has not adopted children for years. “We have international treaties and careful adoption procedures. It concerns the countries of origin, so keep a closer eye on this. When an airplane falls from the sky, you don't stop flying, do you? Now the baby is thrown out with the bath water. This is panic football. ”
Corruption, child theft, babies on order; a lot went wrong
The Joustra Committee investigated so-called intercountry adoptions from Bangladesh, Brazil, Colombia, Indonesia and Sri Lanka, particularly in the period 1967-1998. The main conclusions:
- Serious adoption abuses occurred in the period 1967-1998 in the five countries surveyed. Corruption, falsification of documents, child trafficking, theft and kidnapping and baby farming: women who have children on order for others.
- There were also adoption abuses before 1967 and after 1998 and in other countries.
- The Dutch government was aware of adoption abuses from the late 1960s, but looked away and did not take effective action.
- Dutch intermediaries were aware of abuses.
- International adoption has for too long been seen as a way to save children in need. As a result, timely action was not taken against abuses.
- The current adoption system needs to be overhauled. However, the committee has serious doubts whether it is possible to design a system in which abuses no longer occur.
Letter that Rupika Kop's doctor wrote to her adoptive parents, in which he states that they saved her life.
Letter that Rupika Kop's doctor wrote to her adoptive parents, in which he states that they saved her life. © Archives Rupika Kop
Figures adoption
The number of adoptions has fallen sharply in the last twenty years. While 1,307 children from abroad were placed in Dutch families in 2004, there were 145 in 2019. Of those 145 children, 41 percent came from Asia, according to figures from the Ministry of Security and Justice. The largest group was between 3 and 5 years old.
When it comes to the five countries surveyed by the Joustra Committee : no more children were adopted from Bangladesh, Brazil and Indonesia between 2015 and 2019. Nor from Sri Lanka and Colombia in 2019. The vast majority of the adopted children, 95 percent, fell into the so-called special needs category: they have a physical or mental condition or a difficult psychosocial background. No figures are yet available for 2020.
The research is based on countries from which the Netherlands has not adopted children from for years.
Co Poulus, founder of adoption organization Meiling
Karen and Dennis: no life without children
Karen and Dennis.
Karen and Dennis. © Pix4Profs-Ron Magielse
They would love to adopt a child from abroad, a child for whom adoption is really the last thing to a decent life. The suspension of adoptions from abroad is therefore a huge blow for Karen (36) and Dennis Mulders (37) from Etten-Leur. They would otherwise have the first information meeting of their adoption process on 11 February. A fresh start for the couple, after seven miscarriages. “We have lost seven of our children. We can't do anything for them anymore, but we can for an adopted child. ”
Karen gets pregnant easily, but in the first months it kept going wrong. "Every time something is wrong after a few weeks," says Karen. “It may be bad luck, but I don't want to experience another miscarriage. It makes no sense to get pregnant if the baby dies again. ”
We have lost seven of our children. We can no longer do anything for them, but we can for an adopted child
The couple talk about it soberly, but according to Karen that is also a shield. "Otherwise there is a crying piece of human here."
Dennis and Karen had been toying with the idea of ??starting the adoption process for some time, but that initially felt like giving up their biological wish. Nevertheless, in January 2020 they will take that step in the process that can take years.
Read more below the photo
Three flight attendants with Korean orphans at Schiphol in February 1972.
Three flight attendants with Korean orphans at Schiphol in February 1972. © Hollandse Hoogte / Spaarnestad Photo
After their registration, Dennis and Karen were put on the waiting list for a series of information meetings, five half-days spread over three months. So they would have the first on February 11 this year. These meetings are followed by an extensive investigation by the Child Care and Protection Board.
On the basis of this, the Ministry of Security and Justice decides whether the intended parents will receive permission in principle for adoption. After an intake at an adoption agency, a place on a waiting list follows. “And there is a chance that you will not have an adopted child, for some parents they will never find the right match. That depends on so many factors. For example, whether you are open to children with a disability and what the conditions of the country of origin are ”, Karen explains. She and her husband estimate the cost of their journey at EUR 30,000.
When she heard about the postponement of the adoptions, she sat on the couch crying for a while, says Karen. "The first thought was: it will never be good for us again." Dennis looked at it more soberly. “The possibility that it will never work will always remain. This is yet another bump on our path. ”
We just want a child for whom adoption is the last chance for a decent life
Karen and Dennis Mulders, intended parents
They are not angry with the cabinet. “The last thing you want is for your adopted child to be stolen from his or her mother's hands. If that still happens, something needs to be done about it. The stories we read are heartbreaking. It is true that the research of the Joustra Committee is mainly based on situations from before 1997. The Hague Adoption Convention has changed a lot (see box). ”
Rupika Kop from Breda was adopted from Sri Lanka. According to Kop, her adoption was her salvation.
Rupika Kop from Breda was adopted from Sri Lanka. According to Kop, her adoption was her salvation. © Pix4Profs / Joyce van Belkom
Dennis: “Nowadays you have to go through a whole paper mill and you have to deal with so many authorities. I really do not feel that these kinds of abuses still occur. ” Karen: ,, I especially hope that we do not live in a country that thinks: then those children will have a very bad life in their own country, in any case we will not do anything wrong. ''
Partly selfish
Karen and Dennis call their adoption wish "partly selfish." "We want to be parents." But rather no child than one that has been illegally adopted. "We only want a child for whom adoption is the last chance for a decent life." They believe that for some children, adoption is the only way out.
The possibility that it will never work will always remain. This is yet another bump in our path
Yet the Etten-Leurse couple fears that this blow will prove fatal for their desire to have children. “Many countries have the condition that the age difference between an adopted child from that country and the parents must not exceed 40 years. The older you get, the less likely it is that it will succeed. ” They don't want to think about a life without children yet. Karen: "I don't know how I would react to that."
Hague Adoption Convention
In 1993, 66 countries signed a treaty in The Hague on cooperation in the field of intercountry adoption. All these countries have made agreements about adoption. The convention serves as protection for the adopted child and must ensure that the adoption procedure is carried out as carefully as possible. These countries include both 'sending' and 'receiving' countries. The treaty entered into force in the Netherlands in 1998.
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