Nikwi found her biological parents surprisingly quickly: 'Now much more is possible'

Nikwi Hoogland (26) found her biological parents two years ago, after a search that went much more smoothly than she expected. With her acquired knowledge, she started advocacy organization Adoptiepedia - which she launched last week - to inspire, inform and connect other adoptees. "I picked up my phone and read: 'Congratulations, it is your birth mother'."

Nikwi was 9 months old when a Dutch couple adopted her from China. The period that followed was not always easy. "When I first went to school, I was the only Asian. Other kids felt it necessary to emphasize that and were constantly shouting things at me like 'slit-eye' and 'bamibal'."

"I'm outgoing and therefore quite present. My bullies thought that was annoying, I guess - and then said, 'Gook, shut up,' or they would yell in my face that they thought I was disgusting. I felt left out throughout my childhood. The high school bullying reached its peak and they sometimes called me straight to the face 'cancer chinese' or 'hey dirty chinese'. It was terrible. "

'Asians are stupid and ugly'

Because Nikwi was so hated for her origins, she grew disgusted with herself. "In my eyes, Asians were stupid and ugly. I didn't want to have anything to do with it and was therefore not at all concerned with my biological family. Sometimes I even tried to talk exaggeratedly ABN, in the naive assumption that people would tell me as a Dutch person. would see. "

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In 2018, Nikwi was invited to an information meeting through her adoption organization. "I didn't want to go there myself, but my father persuaded me. After the meeting, I was added to a WhatsApp group with other adoptees. Nice, but it didn't really interest me. I still didn't want to have much to do with China or my origins. have to do. "

Metastatic cancer

Everything changed when Nikwi's mother's health suddenly deteriorated. "In 2015 she was diagnosed with metastatic cancer and not long after the meeting it turned out that the cancer had reached her brain. We knew she did not have long to live. I am an only child and the fear of loneliness overtook me."

"So I decided to immerse myself in my biological family. Something in me thought that I might feel less alone if I found my biological siblings. That it could fill a void and that I might find comfort or support from that. Yes, the realization that my mother was going to die was a turning point for me. "

Nikwi got to know a woman who specializes in the search for biological parents of adoptees. "I got in touch. She was very sweet and wanted to help me. She showed me the steps I had to take. I had a poster made with a photo and my story. This poster was shared through ICSA , a Dutch organization. that helps adoptees in the search for their biological parents. "

Nikwi received a response after just two weeks. "I remember it very well. I was on my mother-in-law's birthday, when the message came in that someone might have found my biological father. In astonishment, I threw my mobile away, to pick it up again not much later."

"On my mother-in-law's birthday, I received a message that someone might have found my biological father."

There appeared to be a reasonable chance that the man in question was indeed Nikwi's father. "There were a few striking leads. The man said that I was very much like his wife when she was younger and that their daughter was born on August 25, 1994, in Yiwu. The data matched mine exactly."

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To make sure it was really Nikwi's biological family, a DNA test took place. The redeeming answer came again two weeks later. “I was in a meeting, when messages came in on my phone. I picked up my phone and the first thing I read was, 'Congratulations, it is your birth mother'. I screamed the whole office together with joy and then burst in crying out. "

Reunited with biological family

Nikwi's adoptive mother died in May 2019. Less than six months later, she flew to China with her boyfriend to meet her biological family. "I remember that I had no nerves at all and that I was especially curious. I also felt a bit numb by everything that had happened in the previous period: the death of my mother, a lot of stress at work, the whole search. sich. So many impulses. "

When Nikwi arrived at Shanghai Airport, her parents, brother and sister were waiting for her. "My sister and brother grew up with my parents in China. My sister was allowed to stay because she was the first child, my brother because he was five years away from my sister and most likely also because he is a boy. They are more handy, stronger and better. for earning a living. This is probably why my sister and I were given up.

'I still don't know exactly how, what, when and why.'

"My sister was adopted by a Chinese couple. This was actually also the intention for me, but that went wrong. I still don't know exactly how, what, when and why."

It has now been almost a year and a half since Nikwi visited her family in China. In the meantime, they have not seen each other physically, but there is still good contact. "They don't speak English, which is strange. Nevertheless, we often have the giggles. Everything is translated via applications. The planning is now to visit each other in turn, but I don't have to do that too often."

To others who want to find their parents, Nikwi would like to give the following: "Think carefully about your expectations in advance. What do you want with your search? Take all possible scenarios into account. With the knowledge of now I would have liked to prepare better. What questions did I want to ask? Did I want to find my family alone or keep in touch with them? I hadn't thought of that beforehand. And once there, you can't go back. "

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Adoption Media

To keep others informed about her search, Nikwi shared her experiences on Instagram . She soon found that many people were amazed that her search seemed so easy. Nikwi's inbox filled with questions and her follower count continued to grow. “Of course I was lucky that my father looked at his phone at just the right time and saw my poster pass by. But nowadays there is really more possible than people think. Biological parents feel safer because the one-child policy no longer applies and also there are several agencies that can help you through databases and networks. "

"I have to do something with that," she thought. And that is why she launched Adoptiepedia.nl last week, together with two other adoptees : an interest group for (Chinese and Taiwanese) adoptees. "There is a real need for a place or safe organization for adoptees to turn to for inquiries and support - and there was none yet."

Reliable knowledge base and listening ear

On the website you will find everything from Adoption to Search. "We try to collect as much knowledge as possible per theme, so that people can find good and targeted information. We also notice that there is a great need for recognition and recognition between other adoptees. That is why we organize activities where you can go to other adoptees without obligation. to meet adoptees and to have a conversation with each other. That can be about adoption, but also about any other topic. "

Nikwi notices that there is a lot of ignorance around adoption. This can sometimes lead to unpleasant or uncomfortable situations. "We therefore hope that Adoptiepedia is a safe haven and a reliable knowledge base for anyone looking for information or a listening ear."

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