Jeanette helps adoptees find peace

As adopted, the photo album from childhood often has empty pockets, and the first memories are marred by gaps. Jeanette Søm Munk knows all about it. She was left as an infant and later adopted to Denmark. Now she helps people in the same situation

When Jeanette Søm Munk was a child, she did not like being alone. In fact, she was so afraid to spend the afternoons after school with herself that she always had playmates with her home.

She also could not bear to go on holiday outside the country's borders. For all that was new and uncertain terrain frightened her. And with good reason. Jeanette was left on a stepping stone in Iran's capital, Tehran, when she was just a few weeks old.

Or at least that's what she's been told. Jeanette does not know when she was born. That she can celebrate her birthday on November 11 every year is thanks to a doctor who set an approximate date of birth when she arrived at an orphanage in the city of millions.

- I have always sought security, both as a child and as an elderly person. And even though my parents have been amazing, I have always felt a little different. When you can not say exactly when and where you come from, you feel hollow inside. That's why I have always made sure to surround myself with many people - because think now if I were to be alone again. If there were many around me, there would always be at least one left with me, says Jeanette, who was adopted by Danish parents when she was eight months old.

Have found security

Today, Jeanette is 45 years old and lives in Valby near Copenhagen with her husband, Christian, and daughter Anna, who is three and a half years old. Here, Jeanette has found security in creating her own family, and the void in her body has been filled by her daughter. The fact that Jeanette can now see a little of herself in someone else means a lot. She's never tried that before.

- When I got Anna, it was the first time there was someone who looked like me. I also think that's why it's been so important for me to have a child - I want to be able to see myself in someone, she says.

- Anna's photo album is crammed with photos - right from pregnancy until today. I have documented everything. For the day she comes and asks in to her childhood, we can look up the album and give her all the answers she needs. My parents have not been able to do that.

Forward with the memories

Jeanette grew up in the small town of Dejbjerg in West Jutland. In the village community between Skjern and Ringkjøbing, she was the only one who did not have light skin. And even though she was not teased, it was hard to stand out from the crowd.

- Everyone around me, both friends and family, has always been there and done great, but that's why I was different anyway. My friends looked like their parents and had pictures of their mothers with them inside their bellies - I did not have that, she says.

When Jeanette is asked what characterizes her childhood, she answers without hesitation "security". An answer she knows very well is in contrast to the restlessness she has had in her stomach for so many years. But had Jeanette not had parents who were always at home when she came home from school, and an all-knowing all-community on the other side of the privet hedge, the unrest would have grown much greater.

- I grew up with a mother who worked part time and was always ready with freshly baked buns when I got home from school. It was a huge security for me, who to that extent was a security addict, she says.

Also read: Genealogy gave Linda two mothers

To help others

Jeanette was originally trained as an educator, but has worked as a psychotherapist at home in Valby for the past year. This means that she helps others to look inward and fill in the blanks, just as she herself has done for many years.

- Several of those who come to me are adopted. I believe I can help them in a different way than a non-adopted therapist can. I know what it's like to feel completely hollow inside, lack a point of view, and someone who looks like one, she says.

But it is far from a process that is over in a few days. Just as Jeanette herself has spent many years finding peace and certainty, it also requires time for those who come to her.

- It is up to the individual who comes here to decide what we should talk about. But I can help thoughts and feelings along the way - whether the person is adopted or not. I believe that one has to go back to the places and times where it hurts before it can get good.

And although of course there is a focus on the person stepping inside the therapy room, Jeanette also gives a part of herself. Because when you as an adoptee can not reflect in your family, it is important to have someone who understands the situation you are in. So Jeanette shares her own story.

- For many years I have not been able to think of myself as the little girl lying on the stepping stone. It has hurt too much. But after spending a lot of time reviewing and thinking through that situation, I've gotten a lot better. It's still hard, but it's better, she says.

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