Becoming a mother in corona time: 'you can also feel love through a window'

Becoming a mother in corona time, these women went through it. There was no question of maternity parties or a procession of admirers. 'Window visit is very memorable.'

'The world became smaller, so we came together more'

Thessa Sepers (41) from Uithoorn has been the mother of adopted son Ian (almost 1) since July.

For eleven years, Thessa Sepers (41) has a great wish: to become a mother. Unfortunately, that does not happen automatically. “We soon ended up in the medical mill. We felt that hospital visits should not get the upper hand and we decided that we would like to adopt. ”

The adoption process also turns out to be complicated; several adoptions fail. "We have redesigned the nursery three times." A phone call in May last year changes everything: a baby was born in the United States in need of adoptive parents. The biological mother is given a choice from the files of three adoptive parents and chooses the couple from Uithoorn.

In the meantime, the corona virus is getting a stronger grip on the world. “We could only enter the US with an emergency passport. We were in quarantine in the Netherlands for four weeks while the authorities checked the adoption and once in the US for another two weeks. ” The uncertain time is taking its toll on the couple. "We have aged ten years in those few weeks."

But the little boy of a few weeks old that Sepers is handed over in the garden of the adoption lawyer is 'the most beautiful child in the world'. It takes some getting used to that it really worked out. "Because of the disappointments you build a kind of wall around you." She has support for her sister and mother. “He said: it took you eleven years, not nine months, to have a baby. It is logical that you develop differently as a mother. ”

Not an international, but a Dutch baby boom

At the outbreak of the corona crisis, there was speculation about a baby boom. This failed to materialize internationally. Nine months after the start of the pandemic, fewer babies were born in most European countries. The Netherlands is the exception. About 600 more children were born in our country in February of this year than in the previous year. From last April, when the pandemic started, through March this year, about 170,000 corona babies have been born.

On average, Dutch mothers are thirty years old when they have their first child, according to figures from Statistics Netherlands. Fathers are on average slightly older at almost 33 years. Compared to parents from other European countries, the Dutch start having children a little later: in the EU, women are on average 29.4 years old when they have their first child.

Once at home, the corona crisis offers a solution. “The world became smaller, so we came together much more and we also got to know our son. We waited with childcare, because it was so nice with the three of us. ”

Sepers finds it incomprehensible that the minister has imposed an adoption freeze this year. “It is very good that any abuses in certain countries are being investigated. But the situation in the past cannot be compared with how it is now. The decision to quit altogether is really wrong; you cannot put all adoptions together. ”

She is very much looking forward to Mother's Day. “It was a very difficult day for years. Now it is simply delicious. ”

'Lex was shining in the windowsill'

Marian Sinnige (33) from Groningen is the mother of Lex (10 weeks) and twins Falco and Jack (4 years).

It will probably also partly have to do with hormones, but Marian Sinnige (33) thought her second pregnancy was mentally a lot harder than her first. “There are simply fewer things you can get energy from during the lockdown,” she says. Moreover: being pregnant, working from home and then also having two toddlers in the house "took a while.

Particularly from the third trimester onwards, she saw few people outside of her own family members. “I was short of breath during the latter part of the pregnancy. That made me think: I absolutely do not want to get corona now, because that could cause me a lot of trouble. ”

Even after the birth of Lex, the family bubble remained small. Because the course of corona may not usually be that serious in small children, you are just very careful with a newborn, she says. “My friend and I were like lions watching over our little one. No one came in except grandfathers and grandmothers. ”

Yet many family and friends have already been able to admire little Lex. In the windowsill of the large window of their house, facing the street, Marian and her friend Jonathan made "a kind of nest" for Lex. "Then he was completely shining for the visitors." Anyone outside admiring the child received rusk with mice from a golden tray.

Conscious of safety

“The contrast with the birth of the twins is enormous,” says Marian. Lex's older brothers were born in hospital. Because they were born six weeks prematurely, they had to stay there for over two more weeks. “Even then I told everyone to just come by. They were a bit more vulnerable, but because of the past year I am now more aware of the safety of my baby. ”

The family likes the tranquility of this postpartum period. “Having a lot of people over there is fun, but also very tiring. In any case, the window visit is very memorable. And also through a window you can very well feel the love. My father-in-law was standing in front of the window after only a few days. His health is not that good, so he is also very careful. He stood there with tears of happiness in his eyes. ”

'Corona no longer existed in my childbirth'

Angelique van Wijk (28) from Nijkerk, mother of Manuel (7 weeks)

The image Angelique van Wijk had of the maternity period consisted of memories of Spakenburg, where she grew up: a constant entry and exit of family members and friends, who come to watch for ten minutes, call ahs and ohs, give the baby a pat, a eat rusk and go again.

“How different it was with us,” she says. When she and her husband Arno returned from the hospital, they called in the maternity care just an hour later. "My parents-in-law were able to come and visit sneaky, because no people were allowed to come when the maternity care was there."

Van Wijk's original plan was to do the maternity visit in Spakenburgs style with its own twist, in the form of a maternity party. "But that was not possible, of course." In recent weeks, the couple received all visitors in pairs, with a bottle of alcohol at the door. Cozy, says Van Wijk, but also a lot at the same time.

That is why she was secretly happy with the curfew, which was a big inconvenience. “It's great fun if visitors stay for a long time, but it takes quite a bit of energy. Curfew made me say, 'Hey, I don't want you guys gone, but exactly how long is it driving home?' ”

Flasks with protective clothing

As a nurse in medium care, Van Wijk was very busy with the corona before her delivery. “But corona no longer existed in my childbirth. I totally missed that AstraZeneca had stopped. I could only look at Manuel, he was my world. ”

For a moment she thought: I don't want to work at all anymore, but just be a mother, but now she feels like getting back to work. "I'm curious how that will go with pumping, in the middle of the hustle and bustle and with all that protective clothing on."

For now, the days still consist of cuddling. “Being a mother is so special to me, so wonderful. Manuel came out, I took hold of that little wall and it was as if my heart was outside of myself. Such a small person, part of Arno, part of me, which is now with us forever. ”