Mette wants to be adopted by her foster mother - but the legislation stands in the way

Mette Bach has lived with her foster mother since she was three years old. Now she is 27 years old and would like to be adopted, but she can only stay if she is also adopted by her foster mother's boyfriend.

In the kitchen in Korup by Hadsund, Mette Bach and Kirsten Bach sit and look at Mette's childhood pictures. There are holiday photos, confirmation photos, family portraits and the like, and they go back to when Mette was three years old.

You may be in doubt when you see them sitting at the dining table and talking about childhood memories, but Mette and Kirsten are not biologically related. Mette Bach came into the care of Kirsten Bach when she was three years old because her biological parents had substance abuse problems.

- I do not remember that I did not live with Kirsten. She is the one who has been there all the way from start to finish. And she is still here, even now that I am an adult and 27 years old, says Mette Bach.

Therefore, she is no longer in doubt either. She would like to be adopted by Kirsten, and Kirsten would very much like to adopt Mette:

- She's a huge part of my life. I do not have two children, I have three children, and I have had that almost since she moved in. So of course I want it, says Kirsten Bach, who is the mother of two boys whom Mette sees as her brothers.

Cohabitants must also adopt

In September, Mette and Kirsten Bach applied for permission for adoption. To their great surprise, they were refused, and the same thing happened when they appealed the case to the National Board of Appeal. What Mette and Kirsten Bach were not aware of is that cohabiting couples who have lived together for more than 2.5 years must adopt together.

Kirsten Bach has lived with her boyfriend, Gerhard, for almost 15 years, but even though Mette has lived with Gerhard in her teenage years, it has never been the plan that he should adopt her as well.

- Gerhard comes when I am 12 years old, and I have lived there for nine years with Kirsten, so it goes much further back with Kirsten and me. And I really like Gerhard, that's not what it's about, but this is about my and Kirsten's relationship, and the affiliation I have with her, says Mette Bach.

Kirsten agrees. She says that she was very upset that she could not adopt Mette alone, especially when Mette is an adult and does not have to live with her and Gerhard:

- It's not a seven-year-old girl or a 14-year-old girl who's across. It's an adult woman, and it occurred to me that she's just a number in the system. I was probably a little naive and thought that this would just be a matter of form, but it was probably not, says Kirsten Bach.

Politicians will take up the matter with the minister

In May, a broad political majority landed an agreement in the social area that will improve assistance to vulnerable children and families and, among other things, ensure greater co-determination for foster children.

The Liberal Party worked in this connection to make it easier for foster children over the age of 18 to be adopted, but there was no political majority for that.

The Social Democrats' social rapporteur, Marie Bjerre, is annoyed when she hears about the case of Mette and Kirsten. She will now take up the matter with Minister of Social Affairs and the Elderly Astrid Krag, Soc.Dem .:

- The case actually touches me deeply. I do not think it is right that you do not have the opportunity to be adopted. Mette has lived with Kirsten since she was three years old, so I can well understand if Mette sees Kirsten as her real mother, and she should also be allowed to have that on paper. Our legislation should support the lasting relations, so this is actually something I think we should get changed, says Marie Bjerre, Social Rapporteur for the Liberal Party.

Lacks flexibility in legislation

TV2 Nord has for two days tried to get the Minister of Social Affairs and the Elderly Astrid Krag to talk about the case, but she has not had the opportunity to stand up. The ministry has instead referred to the Social Democrats' rapporteur in the area, Camilla Fabricius, but she has not had the opportunity to be interviewed either.

Bjarne Laustsen, who is a member of the Folketing for the Social Democrats, will, like the Liberal Party's Marie Bjerre, take up the matter with the minister. He believes that it should be possible to grant a dispensation so that you can also adopt without bringing your partner into the case:

- I simply can not see that there is a problem in this, and it should not be something that the state interferes in. Today it is about yours, mine and our children, so this is a trifle, I think . I have already presented it to the Minister and said that here is something on the next occasion that we should look at, and I will of course keep pushing, because there are no good explanations for this not being able to let do, says Bjarne Laustsen from the Social Democrats.

At Fagforeningen Plejefamiliernes Landsforening, chairman Thomas Vorre also hopes that dispensation of the rules can be opened up in cases where it makes sense:

- It is definitely something I think one should discuss. Placed children are not meant to be stigmatized by not feeling part of the family they consider themselves part of. This is also a natural extension of the settlement with "The Children First", where you want the children to have a permanent family, and there are many foster families who create the permanent family at one level or another. So little flexibility in the legislation, it would be nice, says Thomas Vorre, who is chairman of the Trade Union of Nursing Families' National Association.

Below you can see an interview with Thomas Vorre, chairman of the National Association of Foster Families:

Missing last piece of the puzzle

Mette Bach's biological parents are both dead. Therefore, it will mean a lot to her to be adopted by Kirsten, so she gets a paper on the affiliation she feels to Kirsten:

- Kirsten has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, and now I no longer have my parents, but Kirsten's family is my family, and that's how it really has always been. So for me, it is the last piece of the puzzle that needs to be put in place in my life, says Mette Bach.

Although Mette and Kirsten have been refused adoption, Mette has found a way to mark her affiliation anyway. She has changed her own surname with Kirstens, so that they thus symbolize that they are in a family.

- At first I could not be adopted, but I can then decide for myself what I want to be called by last name, so I have taken Kirsten's last name. That, in itself, was a great day, but now we are just missing the last thing, says Mette Bach.

.