I would have given them a thatched villa to catch their breath together

There was a poignant report about adoption in the Volkskrant . 'It is around the age of 18 that Zenebe, who comes from Ethiopia, says out loud for the first time that it might have been better if he hadn't been adopted. Zenebe: 'Then I might live in poverty, but I would live with my family and without this hassle in my head all the time.'

Being able to grow up in the family where you were born is a foundation in human life. I am surprised that in the discussion on custodial placements we are no longer learning from the insights of the adoption debate. In general, adopted children are placed in fairly close-knit families. But even then, adoptees often struggle with attachment problems, trauma and grief for life.

Poverty

Poverty plays a fundamental role in adoption and also in youth care and it leads to children being separated from their parents.

Poverty alone is not a ground for the removal of a child, ministers emphasized time and again after parliamentary questions about the children of benefit victims who have been removed from their homes. 'But the practice turns out to be complicated', commented Mariëlle Bruning, professor of juvenile law. 'The government has a duty to provide money and housing, but in the Netherlands you see that this is often not fulfilled. Due to financial problems, stress can become so high that you as a parent can no longer function well enough.'

But even a poor family has the right to stay together. In the book Right to protection of the family , Annie van den Bosch-Höweler describes how harrowing, long-term poverty and the out-of-home placement of children have been linked for centuries, worldwide. Family life is often the only straw in their existence for parents in poverty and is under great pressure due to the same poverty.

Healthcare entrepreneurs

The Netherlands is the fourth richest country in the world, but of the approximately 40 thousand children placed out of their homes in the Netherlands, about half come from poor families. 'Terms like 'neglect' here refer to actions by parents towards their children. But in the case of half of the families evicted, it concerns neglect of the entire family by the state', says Van den Bosch-Höweler correctly.

Instead of combating child poverty, we spend youth aid money differently. Follow the Money made a report about family homes. They offer small-scale care to four to six children placed out of home. Family home care is cheaper than care in a residential youth care institution, between 111 and 215 euros per child per day. The controversial closed youth care costs about 469 euros; open residential youth care about

260 euros.

In family homes, care providers can provide extraordinarily comfortable accommodation for children who have been placed out of their homes.

' A thatched villa is situated on a plot of more than 8,000 square meters.' The earnings: an entrepreneurial couple who each have 90 thousand euros left over. The paid-off villa or farmhouse is a great retirement facility. Just take care of that. 'We are working 24 hours a day, we are regularly called out of bed at night and are always ready', according to a care couple.

A bit sarcastic perhaps that crossed my mind that it's like parenting, especially if you have more care-intensive children. But then you still have a job on the side to pay for household, education and housing costs.

wry

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big proponent of loving care in a beautiful, small-scale family home for vulnerable, damaged, out-of-home children. Different from the often repressive institutional care with all the abuses. But it is particularly distressing for parents who have lost their children to long-term poverty. In the case of poverty stress, out-of-home placement as it is currently organized is not at all the right form of youth protection.

You can also provide shelter for homeless families without separating them. How I would have wished the benefit parents: to catch their breath for a while with their family in a thatched villa, after the hell they had ended up in.

Stick together

If we can spend tens of millions on out-of-home children, there is also a budget for other interventions. Direct financial family help should no longer be a taboo and is also many times cheaper. But it is above all a moral decision. Provide child support to poor families so they can stay together with help. Arrange exceptions in debt counseling and administration. Provide healthy groceries every week.

The right to family life is guaranteed in Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights, ratified by the Netherlands. This can and should be done differently.

Harriet Duurvoort is a publicist. She writes an exchange column with Danka Stuijver every other week.

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