Adopted Lotte is afraid of negative image adoption

WAGENINGEN - Lotte van Dijk (23) from Wageningen is critical of Rob Marrevee's candid story about his two adopted sons from Ethiopia. “My fear is that, with all the attention that is now being paid to his story, this will become the new image of adoption.” She would like to let her positive experience speak.

The adoption of children from abroad has long been under discussion. It was even temporarily banned, but in April the cabinet announced that 'intercountry' adoption will be possible again.

Rob Marrevee from Nijmegen is an adoptive father, but now wonders aloud whether you should adopt children. He and his wife adopted two biological brothers from Ethiopia over twenty years ago. When his eldest son was 18 years old, he said to his father: 'I would rather have stayed there than been adopted'. Rob now thinks it's time to tell the other side of what he calls "the adoption fairytale."

See also: Rob adopted Ethiopian brothers: 'I would not have done it with knowledge of now'

'Adoption is not a nightmare either'

Lotte from Wageningen was adopted from China in 1999, when she was six months old. She is now 23 years old, she is studying media editing and is doing an internship at regional broadcaster RN7 in Nijmegen. When she read the story of Rob Marrevee from Nijmegen last weekend, it started to sting her. She wrote an extensive opinion piece about it on the RN7 site . She also wants the positive sides of intercountry adoption to be highlighted.

"I found it intense to read Rob's statements. I discussed it directly with my parents. I have the idea that the wrong image is formed of adoption," says Van Dijk. She mainly says that the complete picture is not being painted, because she experienced her adoption very differently. "But I don't take that into account, he just talks about his experience. But people read something like that and then take it as truth. It's not a subject that people who are not involved with it will delve into. These kinds of stories remember them then."

I think it's important that adoptees open their mouths

"The subject of adoption has been in the news a lot in the last two years. I think it's important to let the adoptees' side be heard. Normally you hear stories from adoptive parents and politicians. I think it's important that adoptees speak up I want to hear from them concretely how they experienced it.”

Reading books

Still, Lotte recognized part of Rob's story. "I did have an identity problem, but for me it was not the adoption that was at the root of it. I used to find it difficult, but I started reading books about it. Also from the point of view of biological mothers. Now I have a completely different idea about it. I can't help it. I can only use it. I can stay in it, but then I only have myself with it."

Skipping and smoking

In her opinion piece, Van Dijk Marrevee asks the question: is it realistic to attribute problems such as truancy and smoking cannabis to adoption? But how would she answer this question herself? "Not realistic, I think. I don't want to judge, but just want to be honest. The problems that Marrevee outlines are very much focused on adoption. But I suspect there is more to it than just the fact that those boys are adopted. I miss the complete picture a bit, the critical view of it, also from experts and other parents."

But is there a solution to prevent things from going wrong with adoptions? Marrevee: "I don't think you can solve, for example, that children will be hurt by the adoption."

The alternative is always worse

Does Lotte think this can be prevented? "I was also affected by the adoption, but personally I think it's important that I make a decision before I say I'm sorry and condemn an ??adoption. How many children have come here who have had a good life? killed a lot of girls in China. It would be good if research is done with parents and adoptees. We have to put that knowledge together to make it better. So many people have experiences with adoption. My opinion is really: The alternative of adoption is always worse."

The Dutch government has been struggling with adoption from abroad for a long time. There was even an international adoption ban after a very critical report was published about the adoption of children from Bangladesh, Brazil, Colombia, Indonesia and Sri Lanka between 1967 and 1998.

Since April, children have been allowed to be adopted from abroad again under strict conditions. The starting point is now that adoption will only be possible for children for whom 'no suitable care is available in countries of origin'.

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