How do we humanise a dehumanising system? Adoption NPO on advocating for family preservation

To some, adoption may seem like a no-brainer solution.

They assume that, for every childless, barren couple there is an "unwanted" baby "available" to fill their home with the pitter-patter that would-be parents crave.

But adoption is a complex beast and rarely as simple as pairing an orphaned child with a barren couple (nor should it be).

The reality in South Africa is that nuclear families are the exception and not the rule. According to Statistics South Africa, this is largely due to legacy issues, labour migration and low marital rates.

And, while there are many other factors that play a role in diverse family arrangements, what it means is that one-fifth (21.3%) of the 19.7-million children in South Africa do not live with their parents.

That's about 4.1-million South African children not living with their biological parents.

Read: 'A child is not a sack of potatoes' – Adult adoptee asks parents to reconsider parenting best practice in relation to adoption

'Adopted by a family member'

Thousands of South African children are in safe homes or foster care but not considered eligible for adoption, while others – around 1.8-million, according to Becoming a Mom – are eligible for (and could benefit from) adoption.

Millions more, however (most, in fact), are raised by their grandparents or other relatives. What this tells us is that adoption should never be seen as a band-aid solution for children who are orphaned, in foster care, or relinquished by their biological parents.

One should also not assume that thousands of adoptions are being processed yearly in South Africa, says Danielle Moosajie, Director at family-centred non-profit Arise.

"Based on recent years, an average of 1400 children get adopted in South Africa each year, and more than half of these children are adopted by a family member," says Moosajie, adding that adoptions dropped significantly in 2020 (to about 1000) as a result of the pandemic.

Also read: Thinking of adopting? Local adoptive mom shares words of advice

Arise is a Cape Town-based family and adoption support service that works at grassroots level with families on the Cape Flats (and further abroad via its online offerings).

The NPO works with families to help them navigate the complexities of family life and, where indicated, adoption. It also advocates for systems and policy change, as well as family preservation.

"In South Africa, we actually have more children in foster care and alternative care, like places of safety. These children are not found to be 'adoptable', which is why our organisation works, first and foremost, to prioritise family preservation. We want kids to be with their families," says Moosajie.

However, with more than 450 000 children currently in foster care, and thousands more slipping through the cracks of the system, family preservation often feels like more of a pipe dream in South Africa, rather than a prioritised and workable solution.

Even Statistics South Africa admits that government support for parenting and families is limited.

How do we humanise a dehumanising system?

According to Moosajie, the critical shortage of social workers in South Africa has exacerbated the problem. In March, the Department of Social Development announced that South Africa faces a shortage of at least 52 500 social workers.

Worryingly, the department is currently unable to implement the Children's Amendment Bill as a result.

It stands to reason that the ±152 statutory social workers currently registered in South Africa are inundated, with a workload of about 300 cases each. With this in mind, there is no logical way that South Africa is able to help all of our children who are in need.

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Arise Adoption Education and Support Manager Alexa Russell Matthews, who is also a senior social worker at the NPO, further points out that, as a consequence of the Covid-19 regulations in 2020, some children who might have been eligible for adoption locally now no longer meet the preferences of most prospective parents.

"These children are considered 'too old' and, as a consequence, remain in the system, or are are adopted internationally. This is a form of neglect and trauma."

"At Arise, we see the impact that the system has on our children. Instead of being seen as the individuals that they are, they become a case number. They are dehumanised. So, for me, the big question is, how do we humanise a system that is dehumanising our children?"

Also see: 40 years ago 'welfare people' took my son, and I've never seen him again

Our children are traumatised

One of Arise's primary concerns is addressing feelings of neglect in orphaned, abandoned or relinquished children. "We're sitting with a mess in South Africa," says Moosajie.

"Our children are traumatised, and when children are traumatised it affects their brain, and we have no proper support structure for that."

The Arise director says it was no surprise to hear when the Basic Education Minister Angie Motshekga confirmed that more than 300 000 primary school pupils had dropped out of school during the pandemic (a number which could be closer to 750 000).

"We shouldn't be surprised, because the system has never worked for our kids," says Moosajie.

According to Matthews, one of the worst traumas for many children not living with their biological parents, is knowing that their parents don't want a relationship with them, even though they reside in places of care, or in the same communities as their children.

"We have thousands of kids who have been removed from their parents and don't have a relationship with their parents, but they're stuck in the system. These children are, however, in a safe place. And because they're physically safe, they get pushed to the bottom of the file because social workers need to focus on crisis cases," she says.

Right now, a handful of American citizens find themselves trapped within South Africa. Parent24 caught up with Debbie Wybrow, a specialist children's rights lawyer at Wybrow-Oliver Attorneys who is championing their cause, so she could explain what has led to this situation, and why these families are unable to leave. Further complicating the issue is the fact that several of...

Adoption should be 'ultimate last stop'

Working within these limitations, Arise is reconsidering what long-term foster care means for South African children and working to inform, equip and empower foster and adoptive parents.

"If we want all children to be in thriving families, how do we equip foster parents to understand what proper trauma-informed care and competence is? How do we position this information so that families tackle these issues together?"

Matthews believes that, when it comes to family struggles or obstacles, the perspective needs to shift from a mentality of "me against you', or 'children against their parents' to one of 'it's me and you against the hard stuff", which could be the system or the status quo.

Moreover, adoption should never be seen as an act of social justice (which perpetuates a saviourism mentality).

Rather, adoption should be seen as a last resort for children who should, ideally, be staying with their biological families. According to Arise, this means first addressing the needs of biological mothers.

"People don't like to hear it said out loud, because they like the narrative of being a saviour. Most adoptive parents swoop in and rescue a child, especially the cute small babies, without addressing the messiness of helping the mom."

But, says Matthews, one shouldn't forget that adoption is actually a permanent form of alternative care or placement.

"If social justice is what we're wanting to achieve, then we need to look at what is getting in the way of family preservation. If it's poverty, what are we doing about it? If it's situational crises – like drug abuse, crisis pregnancies or lack of resources – what are we doing to support mothers in those situations?"

For Arise, a long-term sustainable solution for our children would be to establish the kind of society that would equip a mother with the resources she needs to parent during a trying time without being separated from her child or children.

"We know that the benefit of helping a child is helping them stay with their mother," adds Moosajie.

"If we can support parents and moms to stay with their children, we should be doing that. Adoption should be the ultimate last stop."

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