Mijn rootsreis naar India, het einde van een zoek… (My roots trip to India, the end of a search…)

My roots trip to India, the end of a quest

My roots trip to India, the end of a quest

It's the beginning, not the end

Honestly, I never thought I could write this blog. But look, it's here now. My motto to “never give up” has brought me to where I am today. Regardless of how you look at it now. The whole roots thing is a huge roller coaster of emotions. While I can easily put things into perspective otherwise, this is a completely different story.

Once you are in that flow of such a search for your roots. Well, actually you don't know what you're looking for or what you're going to find and everyone answers that question in their own way. But once that train has left, it is not always easy to keep a balanced approach to it. Those emotions, it grabs you by the throat. You are completely taken in by it and before you know it you are completely swept up in it. And all you can do is trust that it will all work out, someday.

The start of my search

While my adoptive parents thought I came from the slums of Kolkata and was a foundling, “my story” turns out to be completely different. In the meantime I have been organizing roots trips to India for 5 years now and I have accompanied many adoptees on the journey of a lifetime. It is only logical that by working on these special emotional journeys on a daily basis, my work has also inspired me to get started and to finally make that last part of my own roots journey.

When I was about 16 I started browsing through my adoption papers. Ok, my supposed place of birth is of course indicated on my identity card. But collecting information was a lot more difficult then than it is now. I didn't even have internet at home, let alone look up my hometown.

Of course, at that time atlases were still popular, so I bought myself a very detailed atlas of India, so that I could visit my hometown. However, there turned out to be several cities in India that had the same name, so I wasn't completely sure yet. But after inquiring with the adoption society, it turned out that I was from Madhya Pradesh state (the city listed as my birthplace is now in Chhattisgarh state).

2005, the visit to Shishu Bhavan in Kolkata

It wasn't until 2005, my 3rd trip to India that I was ready for a “roots quest”. When I look back on it now, I notice that the different places I've been in the context of my search also caused different emotions. For example, I experienced the first visit in Kolkata as especially painful and it brought me a lot of grief.

You can't really be prepared for what you're going to hear. But when I heard that my real parents had died, yes then it seemed as if time stood still. Now the records showed that I was not a foundling. I walked out of there with mixed feelings. I came from a family, I wasn't just left on the street. Had I known this in my youth, would it have made a difference? No doubt. Strange feeling too.

Because even though I only got that information now. When people used to ask me how I ended up in Belgium, I told everyone that my real parents had died and that's why I was adopted. That sounded less painful to me than being unwanted. I sat there with my husband, in a dusty office.

A lasting memory in my memory

I still remember it like it was yesterday and now it's almost 15 years ago. The A4 sheet, a standard form, contained quite a bit of information. Exact dates. That my mother had given me my name. When I arrived in Kolkata and from that it became clear that I only lived in Kolkata for about 3 months.

And lived in Raigarh orphanage for almost a year. The information and data on my papers are quite detailed, so we suspect that the information is correct. So if my parents are dead, is a search still worth it? What information could still be found? But is it also true? Those were questions that kept running through my head.

I think the rest of the conversation just passed me by. Just that one sentence would have had such an impact. What was I supposed to do with this now? There was no hope, no chance of ever finding my real parents. We visited the orphanage at the beginning of our trip. The rest of the trip I was just lived. It was one of the few times I was happy to be back in Belgium after an India trip. Fortunately that doesn't happen to me anymore.

How your roots are forever connected to you

In the year 2000 I went on a trip to Kerala for work. It was my second India trip. After my first trip I was already a fan of India. But this trip was completely different. I couldn't name it, but Kerala really gave me a special feeling. I thought it had to do with it being so different from the rest of India. It just made me happy but didn't stop there.

It's only since I started my own travel agency and I travel very frequently to India that the same question kept coming back. A lot of Indians move for various reasons: work, family, etc. So every time I traveled to India I was regularly asked where in India I am from and of course they also wanted to know if you moved with your family to India. West and stuff.

And each time I replied, according to my papers I am from Raigarh. While many Indians looked at me doubtfully and told me that I look very typical as someone from the south of India and whether I am therefore sure that I am not from the south of India. You could compare it when someone from southern Europe says he comes from northern Europe.

It seemed to be a search for a needle in a haystack, and yet

India is a continent in itself, not difficult that there is such a big difference in appearance between people from the different regions. And no, of course I'm not sure if what's on my papers is correct. And I realize all too well that you would like confirmation somewhere, preferably on paper. If you have something in black and white you can be sure that it is correct, but is it so?

I can only go by what's on my papers. Is that correct? No idea. So again doubt. And then, last year I traveled to Kerala also for work. I left with a completely different feeling than on my previous trips. And yes, I can't describe it any other way but it felt like coming home. I have traveled so much to India in recent years but nowhere have I felt such a connection to my homeland as there, felt so at home.

Magic, I still have that feeling now when I look back

But there, that journey, was magical! There was a deluge of questions. Am I sure I'm not from Kerala? And that question came up not once, but 100 times. Are all those people so wrong in their idea? Time to seriously doubt what's in my papers. When I got home, I started surfing the internet. Calculate distances.

But it really didn't make me any wiser. The only concern I had was: is it realistic that I had already covered such a great distance at such a young age? It was clear to me that traveling has been in my blood from an early age! Because of my work with adoptees, this is often reflected in our conversations.

That feeling of coming home. So I'm certainly not the first and only one to experience this. And unfortunately our sense of where we feel at home does not always match, as you would expect, what is stated in our papers.

Time for the last part of my roots journey

The many questions, the hesitation. Meanwhile, the many questions had made me think. I was also constantly confronted with it. All of this together eventually prompted me to completely change our travel plans and finally get to work on that last part of my roots journey. I am super happy and incredibly grateful to them that my family followed me in this.

The reason I waited so long to visit the orphanage in Raigarh was partly because it was quite an undertaking to get there. First take a domestic flight and then spend another 5 hours in the car and of course take the same route again to return. But on the other hand, imagine if the orphanage closed?

Then I might never get the chance to visit it again. So I followed my intuition and we went for it! The last weeks before the departure I started to get a bit nervous about starting my own roots journey. While otherwise I'm not at all nervous about leaving on a trip. But this time it was really different. For the rest I had a really positive feeling about the trip.

The journey of my life, a special unique life experience

We left for Delhi to make a stopover before continuing our journey to Raigarh. While in Delhi we took the opportunity to visit some friends. A very nice experience. And then the time had finally come. We took the plane to Raipur.

I expected to be quite emotional. But actually I was mostly happy, relieved that the time had finally come and above all very curious. Would I really be a Malayalee or not? The journey went smoothly and the ride from Raipur airport to Raigarh was also an experience. Our driver spoke very little English which made communicating a challenge.

Ok, I can speak some Hindi but that is quite limited. On the way we stopped at a roadside restaurant. They were clearly not used to tourists there. With a menu only in Hindi it was a bit of a struggle. The adventure had begun. When I arrived in Raigarh, I really immediately felt that connection, one that I had never felt when I arrived in Kolkata.

How can you not remember something and still feel so familiar at the same time

It felt strange and yet again recognizable and familiar, for me it was immediately clear. I once lived here. But it didn't feel like coming home like I do when I go to Kerala. Once we arrived at our hotel, the staff was very sweet and helpful and of course they were curious about our story.

With the few words of English that they understood and the words of Hindi that we could speak, we still managed to communicate. They thought it was special that we had traveled here especially to visit my roots.

Visit to Shishu Bhavan in Raigarh

On Sunday we had a day to relax and on Monday we went to visit the orphanage. Even though we had the address, Raigarh is quite a sprawling city, but again not a metropolis. We turned out to be at a church (later it turned out to be the wrong church) instead of at the orphanage. Some calls back and forth with my team in India, some research via google maps (thanks to the good internet connection in India) and some help from friendly

Indians who showed us the way, we were at the right place barely 15 minutes later. And then finally it was time! I couldn't wait to push the gate open and enter, I was so impatient. Once we walked into the gate we entered a spacious domain. It was neat and clearly well maintained.

Various buildings are scattered throughout the domain. Soon we were kindly received by the sisters. Who were only too curious about our story. In no time, all the other sisters present were called in. And I was allowed to tell my story while we were served cake and tea.

Then and now, a world of difference and yet

At the moment they take in children in the orphanage, who come from poor families, but since it was the Christmas holidays, almost all the children had gone home to spend that holiday with their families. In the end I did get the chance to ask questions to the sisters. How it used to be.

And of course I was curious to find out if I was from Raigarh or if my roots are somewhere else. The sisters were unanimous. You are 200% sure not from Raigarh. One of the sisters from the orphanage has lived in Kerala for many years and also thought I looked like someone from Kerala. When it was time for lunch, the sister asked me to cook with her.

What a surprise, yes of course I wanted that. Once the curry was ready, it was time for the sisters to pray.

Our visit was a very warm and friendly meeting

Kurt and I explored the property and after walking around for a bit we sat down under the big tree, while we had our eyes on the property and we just sat there side by side, there was one building that really attracted me. No idea why that was. But there was something that kept me looking at it.

The square was deserted except for a few staff members. A little later I asked the sister what that building used to be. And then she told me that this was the Shishu Bhavan, the place where the children used to sleep. After lunch and the photo shoot at the request of the sisters, it was time to say goodbye.

This visit was so much more than I had hoped for. It has brought me an incredible sense of peace. This was the moment I've been waiting for so long. It is difficult to describe in words how you experience such a thing.

Knowing that I was in that place exactly 40 years ago. I left with a satisfied feeling.

On Christmas Day our journey continued towards Kerala

Because we wanted to rest on the beach after our visit to the orphanage, we had already decided in advance to link the roots part to our stay in Kerala. Since I was already pretty sure that my roots connect me with Kerala, I also wanted to introduce my family to this beautiful state.

And yes, once there. I knew right away, I'm home, finally. To enjoy. The nice compliments I have received about my roots, no more doubts, just extra confirmations of where my roots really lie.

That I am a Malayalee. I still think it's special that people can see that from your appearance. But it confirms the feeling I had that I couldn't name 20 years ago and then. I am happy that I dared to follow my intuition. The answer to the question I was looking for had been within reach for so long.

The end of my search is immediately a new beginning

This concludes my search for me. My wish to know where in India I come from has come true. And even though I don't know my exact place of birth or how or why I ended up in Raigarh. I can accept it. Knowing that I can go back to the region where I really feel at home in India is enough for me and invaluable. If ever more information comes my way, it will make me happy.

And, I don't see it as a new beginning for myself. I thought it was very nice to see that also for my family their first experience with Kerala felt like coming home, even though they have already traveled to India a number of times. It was a unique and extraordinary journey. In so many ways. Above all, we experienced a lot of hospitality, met friendly and understanding people.

Who have a warm heart for our quest and special journey through India. Who fully understand that looking for your roots is so essential. Ultimately my search started in 2005 in the slum of Kolkata and it has brought me to the beautiful beautiful and green Kerala. It is without a doubt the most beautiful trip I have ever made to India.

Take your roots journey together with people who are close to you

I wouldn't want to take this trip with anyone but my family. We each experienced it in our own way. And above all it was very intense but for me it has made us even closer as a family than we already are. But besides that, that journey brought me the missing piece in my life puzzle. I am very happy that I never gave up.

It will also help them understand you better. To understand why you sometimes feel homesick. Because they have also experienced it for a bit. It was a fantastic way for me and my family to close out the past decade. And without a doubt the ideal way to start a new chapter in our lives. Plus, it has brought us closer together as a family.

I am therefore very grateful for this unique experience. I especially hope to be able to inspire you in your own search for your roots. Wherever these may lead you.

If you want to undertake a roots trip yourself, you will of course need a visa to travel to India. You can apply for this electronically here:

Subhadra,

Inspirational & Passionate

Luxury Travel Ambassador

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