Lydia and Jaco adopted two children: 'I lifted him and it was good right away'

Lydia (39, occupational therapist in elderly care) and Jaco (39, training advisor in a hospital) have two children: Rebekah (10) and Sam (4). The children were both adopted when they were 2.5 and come from the same orphanage in Johannesburg.

something wrong

Lydia: 'After trying for a year and a half to get pregnant, we went to see the doctor. Maybe something is wrong, we thought. This turned out to be the case after research: we had a zero percent chance of a pregnancy. A hard message. The door was closed, but that quickly gave us room to think about other options. Like adoption.

this is me

Jaco had a colleague who was in an adoption process. Not long after our conversation with him, we also signed up. From that moment it took five years, with both children, before we could hold them in our arms.

For five years you are, as it were, expecting a child. And that process has ups and downs. You have to follow a parenting course, have conversations with the Child Protection Board and if all is well, you get permission from the Minister of Justice. Then you can register with a mediator, there are several in the Netherlands, and after a lot of paperwork you end up on a waiting list.

South Africa attracted us, a relative lived there and we had traveled there. The way they do the matching also suited us. They don't look at who is on top of the pile, but at which parents are best suited to which child.

Nervous

2020, the world was in lockdown and we flew, Rebekah had been with us for longer, to South Africa to get Sam. He got out of the car and walked over to us. Yellow ball in his hands, big eyes.

We were so nervous. I picked it up and it was right away. I remember that moments later he sat on my lap and I felt wet. I said to the caregiver, "His diaper is leaking." To which she said, "It's your child." I thought: oh yes, that is true!

The first night I just lay there listening: do I hear him, is he asleep? We had put it in Rebekah's room. We thought: let him sleep well with his big sister, children bond more easily to another child than to an adult.

Other DNA

They recommend that you let your child bond with you for the first few months, so no babysitter, don't put it on everyone's lap. With Sam we quickly had the idea that the bonding went well, we could comfort him well, he looked for safety with us.

He quickly realized: this is my house, this is my garden, I can play here. I never had the feeling that he wondered: when do I have to go back? He also immediately felt very special to us and Rebekah.

He recently had an eye test at the health clinic, which was not quite right. I have glasses myself and the consultation doctor asked: “Does your husband also have glasses?” They know that Sam was adopted, they have his growth curve from South Africa and you can clearly see that there is nothing of my DNA in it, and yet that question. I thought it was funny, she introduces it to all parents, including us.

Africa moms

I have the two most beautiful children in the world and our life with them is so much richer. South Africa feels like a second home to us. On the birthday of their African mothers we eat a cake, Sam's nickname comes from his African surname. That says something about how we integrate their origins into our daily lives.

What do we give them? Good luck especially. You notice that they are resilient and resilient, social. That is not surprising after 2.5 years of children's home. I wish them that they remain proud that they come from South Africa, it is a big part of them.'

This article first appeared in Ouders van Nu Magazine – Interviews: Femke Zijlema, Photography: Kim Krijnen

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