IV. Estranha – Charlie decide matar a saudade

IV. Estranha

All my life I've felt like I don't really belong anywhere. Ever since I planned my trip back to my mother country and family, I put everything into this. This could be my home. After five days of doing my very best, I unfortunately have to come to the conclusion that this is not (yet?) the case. And that hurts indescribably.

On the contrary, just as I feel like a stranger in the Netherlands, I feel like a stranger here too. My stomach can't get used to the food. The smells overwhelm me again and again. I have a cold from the climate. My head explodes, either from the mountainous landscape or from constantly trying to understand and speak a foreign language. The rhythm of life here that doesn't seem to have a pause button gets on my nerves.

It's all just too much and I don't know what to do with it. Let alone that I can explain this in a foreign language to my very own family who goes to such great lengths to welcome me and my Curlyball to my motherland. I feel naive, disappointed, ungrateful, but above all, out of place.

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