Happiness began at the Black Sea

They actually only wanted one daughter, but then they ended up with two...The Herrmann family reports on the adoption of their two daughters from Romania.

First encounter at 50 degrees in the sun

Mother holding child hand iStock isitsharp

Photo: © iStockphoto.com/ isitsharp

"Aurelia hugged me right away and called me daddy," Peter Herrmann recalls when he first met his daughter. At that time it was more than 50 degrees hot under the blazing sun on the Black Sea. It was there that the Herrmann family met their adopted child for the first time . "Because time was short in Romania, we had to sign the declaration of consent for the adoption without having met Aurelia," says Aurelia's current father, Peter. "We had only seen a photo of her before."

But first, let's take a look at the beginning of the story. It all started in May 1997. The Herrmann family already had a son, Björn, who was ten years old at the time. "I wanted another girl, but having my own baby would have been very far away from Björn's age," explains Peter, "and the chance of a girl would have been only 50 percent." Soon he, and then his wife, started thinking about adoption . According to the first inquiries, adopting a German child proves to be difficult and time-consuming. The Herrmann family contacts the ISD (International Social Service) in Frankfurt. When the Herrmanns explain that they would like to have an older child, the employee there says happily: "

Peter will never forget this sentence, because now everything is finally taking its course. After a number of lengthy bureaucratic hurdles, the first child suggestion came from Frankfurt in May 1998: "We received a photo of a five-year-old girl, her name was Aurelia." "Yes that's it!" think the Herrmanns immediately and take the little girl to their hearts . And already in June comes the long-awaited news: you can get to know Aurelia in Romania.

First a bitter disappointment awaits

First we fly to Bucharest. After completing the cumbersome customs formalities, Octavian, a companion from the "Parents and Children" foundation, is already waiting for the Herrmann family. We go to the office of the Romanian lawyer Ms. Harvalia, who is the chairwoman of the foundation, to be greeted and to take care of the important formalities . At the same time, the Herrmanns pay the fees and an involuntary "donation" totaling $2,500.

The Herrmann family can also learn more about Aurelia here. Mr. Harvalia accompanies the Herrmanns on the 400-kilometer journey to Children's Home II in Deva, where their future daughter is to be waiting for them. But when you arrive at your destination, a bitter disappointment awaits you: Aurelia isn't there . She went on holiday to the Black Sea with her group. "So it was a matter of driving the whole 400 kilometers back to Bucharest," says Peter Herrmann. However, they decide not to fly back without having met Aurelia, but to follow her to the Black Sea. It's a long tour via Constanta and Mamaia to the destination.

"It was extremely hot by the sea. We first bathed and played with Aurelia to get to know her better in a relaxed way," says Peter. Nevertheless , getting to know each other compensates for all previous hardships. During this visit, the Herrmanns also see Aurelia's friend, Alina, who is the same age, for the first time and quickly grow fond of her too. A fateful encounter, because exactly one year later, Alina will become the second daughter of the happy Herrmanns.

Important: Pick up the children yourself in your home country

In October 1998, Aurelia was finally picked up by the Herrmann family from Children's Home II in Deva. The farewell is very cordial. We are still in contact with the children's home and the educators today. That's important, as Peter emphasizes: "I think it's very important to pick up the children in your home country and collect as much information as possible about them, their past and their environment there," advises Peter Herrmann to all parents willing to adopt. "This opportunity never comes up again later, and the children are guaranteed to ask where they come from at some point. This also creates contact with the children's family or caregivers, so that later visits with the children in their original homeland are possible."

The first time in the new home

But back to homecoming with little Aurelia. Already on the return trip, son Björn befriends Aurelia and also comforts her when the first homesickness arises. Arrived at home, Aurelia first needs a thorough medical check-up . "We already knew that she had hepatitis B," says Peter Herrmann, "just like Alina, who later came to us." To be on the safe side, the whole family was vaccinated against this infectious disease.

The rest of the family, especially the grandparents, aunts and uncles, react very positively to the children after a certain period of getting used to them. For father Peter, however, the early days with Aurelia are not easy, despite the good start on the Black Sea, because the girl prefers his wife Marlene for a while. In the children's home there were only female carers, men were unfamiliar to them . At times Peter feels quite "written off" by his new daughter. Fortunately, this phase only lasts a few weeks.

The early days are not easy for son Björn either. "He fell a bit short for a while, as far as I'm concerned, because I was very focused on the girls, who should settle in well and learn the language," recalls Peter. "But that has long since balanced itself out." In general, the Hermanns find it more than regrettable at first that they don't speak Romanian. Because important things from the children's past come to light with difficulty: "For example, it was only through the Romanian adopted daughter of a family friend who was able to speak to our Alina that something bad came out: Alina had been abandoned by her mother," reports her current father.

What should adoptive parents of foreign children be like?

Are there certain character traits one should have when considering adopting a foreign child? "You have to be resilient and have a lot of patience," says Peter Herrmann. "And of course you have to be willing to take the child in as your own child, to make no distinction between your own and adopted children." Aurelia and Alina are seven years old today and have largely forgotten Romanian, or rather: suppressed it, as Peter Herrmann believes. "In this way, they close for themselves with their past, which also included the language," he believes. Alina has now overcome her hepatitis infection, Aurelia not yet.

The two adoptions cost around EUR 15,000 in total. The adoption process for Romanian children usually takes about nine months. The Herrmanns have always been particularly impressed by the friendliness and hospitality of the Romanians. This is not the only reason why they have taken the country to their hearts. Not least because of this, Peter Herrmann is active in the association "Romania Working Group Hemmingen eV A House for Tomorrow". This Romania working group supports orphanages in Transylvania/Romania and has the long-term goal of replacing such homes with family houses. In these houses, the children live in groups with their carers, similar to the model in the SOS Children's Villages.

"Four houses have already been built, and more are to follow. One baby home has already been closed," reports Herrmann with satisfaction. The association can also be found on the Internet . The Herrmann family also has its own website, where parents willing to adopt or adoptive parents of foreign children can find more detailed information on the adoption process and on the Romanian aid. You can get to the homepage via the URL www.adoptions database.de .

literature tip

There is a very nice reading book that parents who are interested in adopting a foreign child should urgently recommend: In the field report "Sirintra – Beautiful Moon" a family tells with a lot of sensitivity and great intimacy about their joys and Suffering related to the adoption of her fourth child, little Sirintra, nicknamed Siri, from Thailand. The honest and beautifully written book makes the reader alternately laugh and cry. Andrea Dück-Mertins: Sirintra - beautiful moon. The slightly different way to the extended family. Church tower publishing house 2000 .

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