Why I had to stop my adoption approval application - BLOG
ADOPTION - In July 2020, after having thought about the issue of parenthood, I decided to participate in the first information meeting in order to start the process to obtain approval .
Absolutely aware of the difficulties that await me (44 years old, single) I also like to believe that my job (school teacher) can help to counterbalance.
This first meeting is done by video, about fifteen families are present and the person from social services is straightforward: it's complicated, but not impossible.
She tells us about the large number of families with regard to the very small number of children to be adopted , adoption in France vs. adoption abroad (at least 10,000 euros, gulp's).
She tells us that single people or same-sex couples are not discriminated against, that income is not discriminatory either.
In the end, always aware of the difficulties, I decided to start this procedure for obtaining approval.
The first interview
It is done in the child welfare office with a caring social worker. The current goes well, we talk for 2 hours, about the children, their needs, their well-being. My status as a teacher and my knowledge of the subject lead us to an exchange between two childcare professionals who bring things to each other. I come away delighted, enriched, but also perplexed when at the end, in a very cash way, she says to me:
"I have never seen, to this day, a single person or a homoparental family having the approval being offered a child for adoption by the family council".
I leave with this sentence in mind which does not leave me, but still I move forward.
The second interview
It is done at home and starts like the first: rich and benevolent discussions.
After an exchange on my personal journey, this is what the social worker told me:
“The family council asks that families who welcome a child make themselves available how do you plan to do this?”
I answer that I am a teacher and therefore with advantages:
School vacation;
the possibility of the child being enrolled in my school;
end of the day at 4:30 p.m.
“ This is not enough, the family council asks that parents who welcome a child put their professional activity in brackets for 6 months to 1 year”.
I live alone, so this is not an option. I have doubts: as a couple in Paris it is financially very complicated that one of the two does not work, you need a high standard of living to meet the requirements of the family council!
I have a strange and unpleasant feeling.
She specifies (by opening my file and looking at my payslip):
“There are five hundred families in Paris with a license, 90% of them have an income of up to 8000 euros per month and since there are 45 children to adopt per year (20 in France and 25 abroad). ) they have a choice. ”
Everything is absurd
His next remark will be on my salary and my charges. There, we pass in a completely different meeting I am clearly shocked and on the defensive. She continues despite everything:
“For adoptions abroad it is at least 10,000 euros without counting travel and time on site on the dates imposed by the orphanage in the country
- I have school holidays, we can perhaps adapt?
- No, no adaptation possible, some countries require that you be 2, 3 weeks, or even 3 months on site, how do you plan to do this? ”.
At that moment, the only relevant thing that comes to me is “er…” all this is so absurd!
“Ah yes, but it is therefore a selection by money! Do you know how many families and / or single women are raising a child with the same salary as me? ” I am clearly angry!
“I know it's hard, but it's the Parisian reality, I wouldn't want you to wait for one thing and be disappointed”
I ask him more details about this family council and how to participate.
She will explain to me that no child and early childhood professional is present, they are volunteers representing civil society and that she has no idea how it is constituted, that it is is very opaque even for her.
She will also tell me the case of this little 4-year-old boy whom she follows, he sees himself well with 1 or 2 dads. At the family council, one of the people present will make this remark: “My cousin was diagnosed (homosexual) by a great doctor at the age of 3, it is better to wait”. Placement in a homoparental (or single-parent) family was refused.
I will dare to say “The family for all is therefore in the family council! Help! ” which will make the social worker smile.
At the end of this second interview, I therefore decide not to continue the procedures in order to preserve myself.
This post is also published on Cécile Donadio's LinkedIn account .
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