Adopted Hartini searched for family for 40 years, but half sister lives around the corner
Hartini van Rijssel and MayaSari van Rijswijk, both adopted, searched in vain for relatives in Indonesia. After forty years, the two half-sisters find each other in the Netherlands. “A Christmas miracle.”
Hartini (40) cannot believe her eyes at the beginning of this month when she reads the results of the DNA test. After years of searching, she has a close family match. What? With her? I've known her for a long time, but I never expected this.
There was one woman who thought she was my mother, but a DNA test showed that we are not related at all.
Hartini of Lille
Alone on the world
Moments later, two excited voices ring the phone. 'It is almost inevitable that we are half sisters. Great, for a long time I thought I was Remi from 'Alone in the world'. 'That's great, we have to meet right away. After all these years we finally found family. And then so close too, how special!'
Hartini and MayaSari stay as babies in a different children's home in Jakarta, Indonesia. They are only a few months old when they are adopted by Dutch families. Hartini is lovingly cared for in a family of GPs in Gouda. When she was a toddler, she found out by accident that she had been adopted.
,,A friend said I didn't live with my real parents, because they were white and I was dark. I asked my adoptive parents if that was true and they told me how the fork was. I didn't think about it for a long time.”
Scavenger Hunt in Indonesia
That changes when she is 14 years old. Her adoptive father dies unexpectedly at the age of 49 from cardiac arrest and that makes a deep impression. “I realized that life can just be over. I thought: if I ever want to get in touch with my biological parents, I should try it now. Otherwise it may be too late.”
She starts an extensive search and also uses Spoorloos and radio and television programs in Indonesia. Hartini soon finds out to her sadness that the information about her origin on the adoption papers of the children's home is incorrect.
More than 50,000 Dutch people have ever been adopted from abroad
Hartini of Lille
De Goudse says: ,,Unfortunately, I am not alone in this. There have been many abuses with adoptions. My search in Indonesia unfortunately yielded nothing. There was one woman who thought she was my mother, but a DNA test showed that we are not related at all.”
MayaSari also feels the urge in her youth to look for her biological parents in Indonesia. ,,You are going to ask yourself: who are my relatives and why was I relinquished? I was also curious about any similarities in appearance, behavior and interests.”
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According to Hartini, who includes an adoption coach in daily life, these feelings play a large role in this group. “More than 50,000 Dutch people have ever been adopted from abroad. Many run into problems sooner or later. Such as a loyalty conflict between adoptive and biological parents, an identity crisis, fear of commitment, lack of self-confidence and depression. As an adoption coach and experiential expert, I try to guide them in finding a way.”
This percentage is in the half-sister or aunt category. So very close!
Hartini of Lille
Millions in the DNA database
MayaSari's search for her biological family in Indonesia also comes to a dead end. The information on the adoption form also appears to be incorrect for her. Yet she continues to hope for a miracle. In 2018, she therefore donated her DNA to a database where millions of people from all over the world have registered. ,,I was curious if that would result in a match. Unfortunately, no one even came close to close family.”
The DNA database she is referring to is MyHeritage. 5.6 million people have already donated their DNA for this. As soon as someone registers, this genetic material is compared with that of others in the database. This may reveal family relationships that were previously unknown.
surprise
It is autumn 2021. Hartini van Rijssel and two of her adopted friends decide to do a DNA test via MyHeritage. ,,I've been thinking about it for a while, but I always thought it was a big step. We persuaded each other to participate and that lowered the threshold for me.”
De Goudse orders a DNA kit for less than a hundred euros. She takes a swab of cheek mucus and sends it to a DNA laboratory. She does not have high expectations of the result. After all, all previous attempts to find family have failed. But you never know.
In early December there will be an email from MyHeritage with the results. Curious, she begins to read and sees to her surprise and delight that there is a close family match. Her DNA corresponds for about 20 percent to that of MayaSari van Rijswijk.
Hartini: ,,I knew that for a nephew or niece about 10 percent shared DNA can already be an important indication, but this percentage falls in the half sister or aunt category. So very close!”
Linked
And what is also very special: she already knows MayaSari van Rijswijk. ,,There are regular meetings for Dutch people who were once adopted from Indonesia. I spoke to her there once in a while. It was a superficial contact, because I never suspected that they could be family.”
Maybe it doesn't click and she rejects me, I thought beforehand. That's typical for adoptees
MayaSari van Rijswijk
MayaSari is also surprised when Hartini excitedly calls her late at night to tell her about the result of the DNA test. Although...
,,It had sometimes crossed my mind that Hartini and I look a bit alike outwardly. But I thought: she must have tried to find family via this large DNA database and then we were not linked to each other, so it probably won't be. But now it turned out that Hartini had only recently done such a test and that there was therefore no family match before."
Relieved
During the telephone conversation, they soon come to the conclusion that they are probably half sisters. "An aunt-niece relationship doesn't make sense, because there's only a ten-month age difference between us."
We will also be celebrating Christmas together this year!
Hartini of Lille
Hartini and MayaSari meet as soon as possible after their special discovery. Now no longer as superficial acquaintances, but as half-sisters. They hug each other and it immediately feels good.
MayaSari breathes a sigh of relief. ,,I was really looking forward to the meeting, but I was also a bit afraid of it. Maybe it doesn't click and she rejects me, I thought beforehand. That is typical for adoptees. Because they were once given up, they are often insecure and afraid of rejection for the rest of their lives. But we immediately had the greatest fun together. Hartini feels like the sister I've always wanted."
Father
Do they have any idea if they have the same father or the same mother? Both think the same father, because they were born only ten months apart. MayaSari, dryly: ,,A woman doesn't give birth in quick succession. So I think our father was quite busy at that time.”
We will also be celebrating Christmas together this year!
Hartini of Lille
During their first meeting as relatives, they soon notice that they have many similarities. They have the same sense of humor and they both love music and do something with it. MayaSari is a singer-songwriter, Hartini is a professional violinist. They also both love shopping, which they now do very often together, and Christmas. Hartini, enthusiastic: ,,We are going to celebrate Christmas together this year too!”
MayaSari can hardly believe it. “During this period I often watch Christmas movies and it often revolves around reunification of people. It's always about others, but now it's happening to me. I really think it's a Christmas miracle.”
Trustworthy
The question remains whether Hartini and MayaSari are right to think that they are half sisters. According to professor of human genetics Johan den Dunnen, that may very well be true. “A percentage of around 20 percent shared DNA indicates that there is a family connection and not very far away. So if aunt-niece isn't obvious, I think half-sister is absolutely possible.”
He believes the percentage of shared DNA that MyHeritage is coming up with is definitely going in the right direction. “The methods they use to determine and compare genetic material are reliable when it comes to tracing family ties. So this result is probably correct.”
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